Only You (Matty Healy/George Daniel)

8: All Out

Matty jolts into consciousness suddenly, the abrupt movement unearthing a pounding headache that has him wincing in pain, but the potential migraine quickly takes a backseat to the wave of nausea that is clawing its way out of his stomach and up his throat, inciting a dash to the bathroom that ends with Matty hunched over the toilet, his lips squeezing together as he tosses the lid upward hurriedly.

As Matty throws up what feels to be not only his last meal, but also a large portion of his internal organs, he curses himself for drinking so much in the first place. He rarely lets it go so far - not anymore that is, but he had ignored his limits last night in favor of the fog that always follows after becoming excessively pissed, and even once he had been successfully obscured, he didn't stop there.

That doesn't mean that Matty can't remember what happened at Grimmy's party though, because he does. He's always had a keen sense of recollection no matter how intoxicated he is, so he knows that he almost smothered Nick's dog with his unwanted affections, and that George had ended up dragging him home and tucking him in bed like a child, but none of those memories hold a candle to the flame that is the fact that he and George kissed.

Matty doesn't regret it, not even now when he is mostly sober and thinking much more coherently. He meant what he told George last night about wanting to discover if he is attracted to blokes, he just hadn't been expecting to enjoy kissing George as much as he had.

Kissing was never something Matty thought much of, it is just an act that typically leads to something more, either that or it is used in way of a greeting or a goodbye, but having his mouth pressed against George's had been different, although Matty can't pinpoint exactly why.

Matty has never experienced anything like that before, not even with Gemma. It hadn't been a normal melding of tongues, that was for sure. Matty had been overwhelmed from the start, his nerves jangling and his body aching to be closer to George's just from something as simple as a kiss, making Matty wonder how intense other things of a slightest less innocent nature would be with the other man.

Matty swears his lips are still buzzing even hours after George last touched them, the subtle vibrations tickle the spit coated skin as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He groans harshly when his stomach mocks his pathetic attempts at cleaning himself up with a hostile churning that has him lurching back for the porcelain bowl with hardly any time to spare.

After suffering through a second round of gagging which ends in painful dry heaves, Matty collapses back against the closest wall, his spine bending over his knees as he begs his body to give him a few minutes to recuperate before he has to be sick again.

Despite the agony he is currently in, Matty's mind is still running at full speed, not that it ever isn't. His train of thought is fixated on what had happened between him and George, and although he wants to focus on something else right now - anything really, he continues to ponder their shared moment of intimacy, his brain refuting his numerous attempts at distracting himself.

Matty had liked it - there was no question about that, but he also can't deny that the kiss is what had driven him to getting as trashed as possible once he had abandoned George with too few words and confusion clogging his veins.

George hadn't deserved Matty's withdrawal, and in hindsight, Matty realizes that he should probably apologize to his best friend in the morning. George most likely understands, because George gets Matty better than he does himself, but Matty still owes him some sort of explanation, now if only he had one that made an iota of sense.

He does though, if he allows himself to look past the mental blocks he keeps in place for his own safety. Matty doesn't want to admit it, but he is scared. That's why he ran off, that's why he allowed Adam to pour him shot after shot long after he should have called it quits, that's why he avoided bringing it up entirely once George had found him again.