Only You (Matty Healy/George Daniel)

18: Inside

Something changes after that day, but George doesn't know what exactly. He can't figure out if it's to do with Matty maintaining the slightly aloof aura he's been surrounding himself with lately, or if it's because George is attempting to shut down parts of his mind in a sort of defense mechanism to prevent himself from returning to the confused state he had been in after their shower, but whatever the case is, there is a barrier between them now, and George hates it.

The obstruction is thin, transparent even at times, and it's not like they are angry or ignoring each other, it's just different. Matty still sticks to George's side for the most part, but he's quieter than usual, and he doesn't seem at all inclined to do anything sexual over the next few days, which is probably a good thing given how lost George got in their last encounter.

It's on stage where George notices it the most; it's as if Matty is just going through the motions instead of losing himself in the music like he usually does. He's still dancing and screaming like everyone expects, and most of the fans probably haven't caught on to the fact that anything is amiss, but George can tell that Matty isn't as into his performances as he used to be.

George mulls over this recent shift late at night when Matty's off somewhere or asleep in his bunk, trying to work out if he's done something wrong or if this is just another of Matty's frequent mood swings.

In all honesty, the older man is probably just tired, and George is a bit knackered himself. They've been playing shows nonstop with very little downtime, and the whole touring constantly aspect is still a bit new to them, so that's most likely all that it is.

Still - George can't help but worry. Matty doesn't seem upset - not really, but something is festering inside of him, whether it's to do with George or not, he can't tell, but he does know that he's hiding something from him, and that in itself is very unlike Matty.

George doesn't bring it up though, in fact, he tries to act as normal as possible just in case this disturbance is somehow caused by him. He's tempted to ask Adam and Ross if they've noticed anything amiss with Matty, but he refrains from that as well, mostly because he's afraid he'll end up spilling their secret arrangement if pressed.

Matty still hasn't told anyone about what they are doing, and George isn't going to go behind his back, no matter how much he needs some advice coupled with an outsider's perspective at the moment.

George constantly reminds himself that things could be worse, and he does his best not to dwell on the new tension that's sprung up between him and Matty, even though that's a much more difficult task than it seems.

~~~

They're halfway through their set one evening when Matty pauses for a bit longer than usual after singing Girls. George has just been thinking that this seems to be one of their better shows, that everyone's in sync and flowing well, but now he's confused, his hands poised above his drums as he waits for Matty to introduce the next song, but Matty stays silent, his eyes fixated on a spot in the crowd somewhere off to the right.

"Fucking hell," Matty mumbles into the mic before taking a few shaky steps closer to the edge of the stage. George follows his movements with his gaze, trying to decipher what's caught Matty's attention so completely that he seems to have forgotten where he is, but he gets his answer as soon as Matty starts speaking again. "You look so much like Gemma."

George's stomach twists so violently that for a moment, he thinks he's going to be physically ill. He's not sure why he's having such a negative reaction to Matty's fascination with Gemma's apparent doppelgänger, but it's probably because Matty sounds fucking heartbroken right now.

George can practically feel the longing pouring off of him, and it hurts George as if he's the one pining for someone he's lost. He doesn't know how to react, especially since he's trapped behind his drum kit and he can't rush to Matty's side like he's aching to, so he just sits there and tries to pretend that he's not falling apart inside.

Some of the fans start screaming after his statement, but although George scans the area near where Matty's looking, he can't see the Gemma look alike, but honestly, he's more focused on Matty than some girl who happens to share a resemblance to Matty's ex-girlfriend.

Matty snaps out of his state quickly though, smiling sheepishly as the excited cries taper off before finally picking up his guitar and playing the opening notes of Robbers.

George struggles through the song, his typically focused mentality that he adapts during concerts has been ripped away entirely, and it's hard to remember when to bring his sticks down when Matty's broken tone of voice is echoing inside of his head louder than anything that's coming through the speakers.

~~~

George follows slowly behind Matty as they make their way off stage. For some reason, he's reluctant to close the gap between them, although at the same time all he wants is to pull Matty close to him and never let him go.

Matty's walking quickly though, handing his guitar to a tech with barely a word as he heads deeper into the venue they're in. George continues to trail after him even though Matty hasn't looked back once, wanting to be there just in case Matty's running off to go have a cry over Gemma away from all the prying eyes surrounding them.

Sure enough, Matty ducks into an empty room, plopping down heavily on the couch inside with a soft sigh. George hovers awkwardly in the door, his presence still unnoticed by the older man, and for now, at least, George is okay with that.

But instead of breaking out in tears like George half expects him to, Matty begins fiddling with his phone instead, pressing the device to his ear once he's finished scrolling through his contacts, or at least that's what George assumes he was doing.

George knows he should leave; Matty obviously wants to make this call in private, but his feet seem to be nailed to the floor, so he stays put for the time being.

"Hey Gem," Matty greets the person on the other end of the line who George now knows the identity of, a small smile spreading across his lips at whatever she says in return. "Nah...just finished a show, wanted to see what you were up to."

George moves away from the door as quietly as he possibly can, pressing his back against the nearby wall as his knees shake and his heart seems to sink down into his stomach. The sick feeling from early is rising up within him again, leaving George so dizzy he actually has to sit down for a moment in fear of toppling over otherwise.

George can't really hear the conversation occurring in the room next to him now that he's put some distance between them, just the soft cadence of Matty's voice as he chatters away, but George doesn't want to listen in anymore, although in some weird way he's desperate to know exactly what Matty's saying and what Gemma's replies are.

George hadn't been aware that they still talked often - hell, maybe they don't and this is just a one-off caused by the fan who looks so much like Gemma, but either way, George feels like Matty's been hiding things from him, and George fucking hates it.

That has to be why he's so upset, it's the only rational explanation. George doesn't care if Matty's is still friendly with Gemma - she's a lovely person, and she made Matty happy at one point in time, so George has no problem with them continuing to keep in contact.

He just wishes that Matty had told him though, or maybe turned to George first before hurrying off to call Gemma. George is used to being the one Matty runs to when he needs to be comforted, and this change of pace has him alarmed and uncomfortable, which has to be the cause of the strange sensations he is feeling.

Not wanting to subject himself to this odd brand of torture involving Matty's laughter and one-sided statements, George slips away quietly, heading out in search of Adam and Ross as well as some weed and liquor which he can obscure his unexplained emotions in.