Only You (Matty Healy/George Daniel)

23: All Runs Out

Matty cries while performing Me, and although that's not an unusual occurrence, he occasionally gets overwhelmed on stage, especially given the strong emotions that song conveys, it's different this time. He forces himself to keep going even though all he wants to do is break down and sob, his voice emitting choked off and laced with an agony that isn't at all faked.

As he hears his own words amplified back at him, Matty finds himself recalling the process of writing this piece, of how he had broken down after allowing George to hear it for the first time, how they had curled up in George's bed together once he was done and George hadn't let him leave for the rest of the day, not that Matty had wanted to.

That seems so long ago now, and Matty wants to go back to those days when things were simpler, when he wasn't struggling so hard with addiction and doubts. Even though Matty's gained so much since then, he's honestly not sure if it's worth it at this moment, no matter how hard he tries to convince himself that it is.

Matty has to pause so he can recollect his scattered thoughts when he's finished, turning his back on the crowd so he can wipe his eyes hastily.

His gaze meets George's briefly, and although it's hard to tell under the glittering lights surrounding him, Matty thinks he sees a sheen of wetness on George's face that isn't composed entirely of sweat.

Once they're backstage, George gravitates to Matty's side like he knows how badly Matty needs him, pulling him into a fierce embrace without uttering a word. Matty instantly relaxes as he buries his face into George's shirt, his nails digging into George's back as if someone will tear them apart if he doesn't hold on tight enough.

Matty inhales shakily, reluctantly pulling away from George when he realizes they're blocking the flow of traffic. As he heads off to go help with packing everything up, George follows close behind him, keeping the heel of his palm firmly pressed against Matty's spine, the constant physical assurance meaning more to Matty than he could ever explain with words.

~~~

They've got a free day after their show for once, and although Matty's usually overjoyed at the prospect of having nothing to do besides catch up on sleep and get stoned with his mates, the extra hours are killing him as they drag by, each tick of the clock increasing his craving for something stronger until the self-control he's worked so hard to maintain snaps completely.

Matty knows he shouldn't be doing this, but it doesn't stop him from hitting up an acquaintance on Twitter that lives nearby, asking if she's free for the evening which of course she is. Matty doesn't usually hook up with fans twice, and she is one. They met at a show and were fucking not long after, but this girl's sweet. They talk occasionally, but more importantly, she's got coke, or she did the last time Matty ended up back at her place.

Once Matty's confirmed that she does have the substance he's supposedly quit, he rapidly puts away his phone, plastering on a smile that feels as plastic as it probably looks when George shoots him a questioning gaze over the mug of coffee he's currently nursing.

"Who's that?" George asks. Matty gets up to use the loo instead of answering George's query, his voice causing Matty to flinch subtly as he pauses in the doorway, leaning his weight against the frame in what he hopes is a casual pose.

"A friend," Matty shrugs when he continues to feel George's eyes on him, rolling his shoulders back further when his muscles tense up in the hopes of alleviating the dull ache forming at the back of his neck. "You want me to make some coffee when I get back?" Matty changes the subject, and either George is too tired to notice Matty's evasion or too stoned, probably both if Matty has to guess.

"Only if you wash your hands," George smirks, his teeth showing when Matty sticks his tongue out at him petulantly, finishing it off by throwing up his middle finger before disappearing inside the small bathroom, George's soft laughter following after him even once he's shut the door firmly behind him.