Only You (Matty Healy/George Daniel)

32: Never Before

In case some of you were unaware though I did manage to publish my first original novel during my break from this fic. It's called Three Halves of a Whole and it's available on Amazon under my pen name Elijah Aster. It would really mean the world to me if some of you could maybe give it a read. Publishing my works has always been my dream and now I've finally done it.

I'm still going to be writing fanfiction though and I am determined to finish this story so this is my attempt at returning to it. I am sorry for myself and the long wait but I hope some of you are still here and will enjoy the rest of this fic.

Also there is a bit of a trigger warning on this chapter for rough sex that isn't truly discussed beforehand as well as substance use which blurs the lines of consent. If you are uneasy about reading it please message me and I can give you a safe summary.

Matty quickly realizes when he returns to the hotel that he's in a right state. George is instantly going to notice that he's high, which means everything he's been struggling so hard to keep from him will be for naught if he doesn't pull himself together. All the moments spent pushing him away will be wasted if he rushes to his side now with blown pupils and a running nose.

So he does the most logical thing he can think of and parks himself at the bar that is situated downstairs. If he gets a few drinks in him, George will write off his odd behavior as simply being drunk, which is much preferable to any other conclusion the younger man might reach.

Matty downs a few shots of vodka as quickly as he can, knowing the smell will distract George from the other substances he's ingested better than any other liquor. The liquid burns his throat as he swallows it and his eyes water while he asks for another.

The bartender gives him a skeptical look, but he doesn't say anything. Can Matty even call him that? This is a hotel, not a club, but he does work at a bar, so Matty assumes that his job title.

The random train of thought distracts Matty as he takes a few more shots, finally deciding he's had enough when his vision goes fuzzy after the last one. His head swims as he stands, his high mixing with the alcohol in a heady way that has him feeling both out of sorts and on top of the world. Matty thanks the invention of elevators for saving him from braving the stairs as he presses the button for his floor, his heart thumping heavily in his chest when the realization that he's seconds away from reuniting with George properly sinks in.

Matty feels like he hasn't seen other man in months, which is ridiculous, but also accurate in his fucked up head. In a way, they haven't been near each other, not mentally at least. Whatever block has sprung up between them has been keeping them apart, and Matty is determined to rip it down no matter what it takes.

He's the one who put it up - he knows that, but he hates it existence, and he's tired of keeping George at arm's length. He doesn't know what he wants at the moment, but he knows he needs George back in his rightful place by his side, and he's going to do his best to fix what's been broken before he changes his mind again.

He feels safer already knowing he'll be with George soon - steadier. It's always been this way for him, George is his foundation, but things have changed now. Matty isn't sure how, but he knows he needs George more than ever. He's been doing everything he can to stay away for the younger man while he's in his current drugged up state, but he's allowing himself this moment of weakness. Hiding from George has only made things worse, so he's done trying to be the better person, at least for the night.

He's sure he'll regret it later, he always does, but fuck - Matty can't survive another hour without George. He will deal with the consequences of his actions in the morning.

~~~

George nurses the lukewarm beer in his fist more out of the need to do something with his hands than any actual desire for it. He doesn't even like drinking, not really. He'd much rather be getting high, but lately, weed hasn't been putting him in the placid mood it usually brings him.