Underneath

Underneath-Chapter 5

I found myself as a young child once again.

I was back in middle school in San Diego in the seventh grade, the lonliest school year I ever experienced.

It was about halfway through the first semester and I was wearing a solid black shirt with a dark pair of  jeans I had and black shoes.

One of my classes started soon, but I had to stop by my locker and get the books I needed.

The sun was bright that day and for a brief moment, as my red hair shined in the light, I felt hopeful in the midst of that dark year.

However, it would fade away once I got to my locker.

There was a slip of folded paper in one of the openings on my locker door.

I thought it was unusual because I didn't know many people.

I felt like an outsider that year, but once I saw that piece of paper, I thought it was the chance I had been waiting for to change the way I felt about myself.

With a small spark of hope, I opened the piece of paper, but my feelings got shattered as soon as I read the first line.

It was insult after insult and each one cut deeper into my bruised heart as I finished reading it.

I couldn't even get halfway down the page without tears blurring my eyesight and they only got worse as the lines continued.

When I couldn't take it anymore, I threw the paper down and ran to the nearest bathroom.

I knew I was going to be late for class, but I didn't care.

My feelings had gotten hurt and all I wanted to do was curl up in a corner and scream in pain as  anguish developed underneath my dark clothes.

Once I got to the bathroom, I locked myself in the stall fartherest from the door and bawled.

I woke up at that moment and briefly reflected on the dream I had, but soon after, I switched on my bathroom light and turned the faucet on in my granite sink.

I splashed cold water on my face a couple of times and stared at my reflection in the mirror.

Abbie had triggered my memory of being younger and it brought back one of the worst memories of my life.

That one day gave me so much pain and it hurt to relive it through a dream.

Some of the things that had happened to me when I was younger haunted me, but as the years went by, I was able to push those memories to the back of my mind.

However, from time to time, my closed wounds would open themselves back up and the pains would return, feeling as they did before.

I started to cry as painful images from different years flashed through my mind.

I leaned on the counter in front of me and lowered my head.

"Stay strong, Adam." I thought to myself.

I couldn't let this bring me down, but I didn't want to stop my tears from falling.

I needed to relieve some pain.

After I cried for a few minutes, I placed my head back on the silken pillow cases and closed my eyes.