Underneath

Underneath-Chapter 17

A few days after Brett's passing, his funeral took place outside at one of the many cemetaries that San Diego had.

I had been asked to perform "Can't Let You Go" at his service by his last wish.

I originally wrote it for a completely different reason than what I was presented with today, but Brett had personally grown attached to it when it was released.

I looked at myself in the mirror over the sink.

My soul was filled with so many emotions.

Anger, sadness. hurt, shock, grief, and so many more reflected in the gray blue eyes staring back at me.

I was still in mourning and I wanted to be back home on my bed, curled under my blankets with all the lights out, but I knew I couldn't let one of Brett's final wishes go without fulfillment.

"Baby, how are you holding on?" My mom asked me, walking in.

She placed a delicate hand on one of my shoulders.

"I'm doing alright, but I don't want to be here right now." I said, turning to her.

"None of us do, Adam, but it's something we have to do." She said in a motherly tone.

Her eyes were pained.

She loved Brett and he was like a third son to her and on top of that, she was seeing one of her own sons in turmoil while being emotional support for Mrs. Stevenson.

She was dealing with quite a lot.

"Well, I guess we better head out, huh?" I said to her.

"Yes, we should."

She got on her tiptoes and hugged my neck for a moment.

"I know you can do this." She said to me.

"Thanks, mom."

After taking our seats in the front and once a few people spoke about Brett, it was time for me to take the microphone.

I told his friends and family about some of the memories we shared and was able to produce some laughter, even though none of us were in a very content mood.

"So I'm going to sing one of the songs off my first album." I finished.

I nodded my head and "Can't Let You Go" started.

As I approached the chorus, I could feel my heart slowly tearing.

I had to keep myself together.

There had been so many tears this morning already, but then I looked in front of me and realized something.

The faces in the chairs who were watching me weren't my Glamberts.

I wasn't performing for my fans.

They were friends and family of his.

They had seen us together.

They had observed the memories we had made that I had spoken about before starting the song.

They weren't the people who had known about me after 'Idol.'

They were the people who had seen me grow and develop into an artist before it.

Once I understood that, I opened myself up and became vulnerable.

I sang the final chorus at the top of my lungs, forsaking every bit of my technique and as I neared the end of the song, I felt a sharp pull in my throat and my voice lost its power.

I had pulled my vocal cords.

My mom's eyes widened as she looked at me.

She knew something changed.

I walked back to my seat, not speaking a word.

I met my mother's eyes.

They had too much of a knowing look in them.

When I was younger, my vocal and breathing techniques weren't as seasoned and I strained my vocal cords after performing in one of my very first musicals.

My mom distinctly could remember it and she knew it had happened again by what she heard when I was finishing "Can't Let You Go" and how I was acting now as we sat next to one another.

We silently looked away from one another and focused back on the front.

After releasing doves in his memory, I headed home.

I had to baby my voice now.

Once I arrived, I took my boots off and curled underneath my covers.

There were so many things running through my mind and I was exhausted.

I just wanted to sleep.

Thirty minutes later, I heard light footsteps walking toward my room.

I wasn't alarmed.

There were only a select number of people who had copies of my house key and I knew every one of them.

Nonetheless, I peeked out from my covers and waited to see who it was.

"Your mom called me. She wanted me to check on you." Sauli said, standing in my doorway.

I felt my heart jump.

I hadn't seen him in quite a few months and I really needed someone like him right now.

I started to say something, but then remembered how I strained my vocal cords and shut my mouth.

"You don't have to talk. Your mother explained to me what happened at the funeral."

He walked to my bed and sat at the foot.

"So I'm here for the night. If you need to cry, I'm here." He said, smiling.

My heart got lighter and I smiled.