Hands on Me (A Twilight Fanfiction written by IndependentIndividuality)

Chapter Seventeen: In Which Fifteen Seconds Remain

Chapter Seventeen: In Which Fifteen Seconds Remain

and all i can taste is this moment

and all i can breathe is your light

and sooner or later it's over

i just don't wanna miss you tonight

- the goo-goo dolls, iris

-

"In fifteen seconds. Oh, Jacob, I'm so sorry."

"How – how can you see? Is he alone?"

"Charlie and Sue are with him," Alice's voice said softly, and then I understood.

"Okay," Jacob said, and shut off the phone.

Jacob crossed the room as if in a trance and sat numbly on the edge of the bed. I scrambled up in my boneless body to sit beside him. I had no words for this.

I knew when it had been fifteen seconds because Jacob's entire body slumped, his face wiping blank of whatever little emotion had been left. He let his head fall into his hands like it suddenly weighed a thousand pounds and he bent at the waist until his head and arms were parallel with his knees.

Oh, poor Billy. Oh, poor Jacob.

I tried to say his name a couple of times, but my voice stuck in my throat. Emotions were swirling inside me at top speed, making me dizzy. Grief for Billy, who I loved so much. Pain, since Jacob's pain was mine and he was very obviously hurting. Guilt, unbearable and thick, because the only reason Billy's son wasn't there to hold his hand as he slipped away was because he was here with me, protecting me from something I probably deserved. And love, the strongest of all, swirling around and enveloping all the other feelings, wriggling in between them and making its own space. My love for Jacob stretched my heart until it felt as though it would burst.

I knew what Jacob needed. I knew who Jacob needed. But I honestly had no idea who she was and chances were she was hours away at the best. I couldn't bring myself to ask him again, but I knew in my heart that if I had known, I would have called her and asked her to come without hesitation. I guess love worked like that. I could hardly even feel my own pain now, though I knew it would come back later, sharp and fresh. All I could think about was Jacob, who needed someone. Needed . . . me?

We were stuck here alone, hundreds of miles from anyone we knew, so I would have to do. I knew I was a poor substitute for a soul mate, but best friend had to count for something, right? I felt frozen, my joints and throat locked up, as though the only part of me alive was my heart, thrumming with too much love. I had to get over it though – for Jacob.

With the greatest effort I think I ever exerted, I managed to unstick my throat. My voice was small and very child-like, and I suddenly felt much too young for such things, but I managed get out a quiet, "Jacob?"

Nothing in his posture changed, no sign gave that he heard me or that he was even alive. I couldn't pretend to know how Jacob felt, couldn't pretend to empathize – me, with my family who were virtually indestructible, surrounded my immortality. I didn't know what it was like to be an . . . an orphan.

"Jacob," I said again, my voice a little stronger but still very childish. "Jacob, please look at me."

Jacob lifted his head then, but didn't look at me. He stared straight ahead at the blinds and let out a long, shaky breath. My hands fluttered at my sides for a second before I made up my mind and placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing soothingly.

"I'm so sorry, Jacob, and I know that doesn't help, but I am. Tell me what you need and I'll do it, I swear."

"Just – just stay with me," Jacob said, his voice a rough whisper, and looked at me. The grief on his face made me want to cry. "Just please stay with me."