Hands on Me (A Twilight Fanfiction written by IndependentIndividuality)

Chapter Eighteen: In Which Nessie Loves Jacob Like Nessie Loves Jacob

Chapter Eighteen: In Which Nessie Loves Jacob Like Nessie Loves Jacob

and i'd give up forever to touch you

'cause i know that you feel me somehow

you're the closest to heaven that i'll ever be

and i don't wanna go home right now

- the goo-goo dolls, iris

-

"What?"

Wait – what?

Jacob looked like he wanted to look away, but he kept his gaze firmly on me. He looked more vulnerable than I had ever seen him, but even this couldn't penetrate my shock-filled-confusion haze now.

"I – I imprinted on you, Nessie," he said quietly, his voice sounding entirely too small to be coming from such a large person.

"What – Jacob, I don't – when?"

"The – the first time I saw you – I thought Seth explained it? - I imprinted the first time I saw you, Ness – the day you were born."

I didn't think anything. I didn't feel anything. I had imagined different variations of this conversation a million times and it never went like this. I – I didn't believe it. Something tugged on my memory, pictures swimming vague and elusive on the edges.

"You had to have known, Ness," Jacob urged, and reached for my hand, which I let him take. My brain felt sluggish, slow. "There was only ever you, from the first time I laid eyes on you. There was never anyone else."

It didn't make sense – except it did. I had to know, though. I had to be sure before I allowed myself to hope.

"Jacob, is this – please don't be joking – "

"Renesmee Cullen, look at me," Jacob ordered, and I felt that pull in my stomach and realized I was back to having no choice. I obeyed gladly. "I would never joke about this. I'm completely serious, and I understand if you don't – don't feel the same. I just had to tell you."

"That you imprinted on me?" I asked, needing more proof.

"Yes. I – I couldn't keep it from you anymore."

"You – you imprinted on me like Sam imprinted on Emily, and Jared with Kim, and . . . "

I trailed off. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't wrap my brain around it.

"Yes," Jake said, nodding emphatically. "Yes, Nessie, exactly the same."

"Do you love me, Jacob?" I blurted, louder than I probably should've. Jake squeezed my fingers almost painfully tight.

"You know I do."

"How do you love me?" I demanded, a little gentler this time. I gazed directly into Jake's eyes, knowing the truth would come from them before I heard it from his mouth. "Do you love me like – like Quil loves Claire?"

Jacob swallowed tightly and his eyes searched my face in a way that made me self-conscious.

Finally he whispered hoarsely, "I used to."

Oh, God.

"And – and now?"

"And now . . . I love you like – like Sam loves Emily."

It felt as though I was being opened up, taken apart, then seamlessly put back together again. I felt like I was flying yet I was more firmly rooted to the ground than I had ever been. A thousand pieces flew together and the picture formed with a crystal clarity that causes blindness if you stare for too long.