Hands on Me (A Twilight Fanfiction written by IndependentIndividuality)

In Which There is 'The Talk'. Yes, That One.

In Which There is 'The Talk'. Yes, That One.

and you give me the most gorgeous sleep that i've ever had

and when it's really bad, i guess it's not that bad

- no doubt, underneath it all

-

I immediately felt heat flood my cheeks.

"O-okay," I said, getting quickly off Jake's lap and arranging myself beside him with my legs crossed. "I'm sorry, Jake, if I shouldn't have – "

"No, Nessie, no," Jacob interrupted, stopping me with a shake of his head. "You didn't do anything wrong, just – before things . . . escalate, we just need to talk."

I nodded, a little numbly, not understanding.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable," he told me, reaching for my hand which I easily gave him. "And we can do this however is easier for you, if it's easier to . . . show me, with your gift, or just tell me but . . ."

Jacob reached up with his free hand and pushed his hair back. He let out a deep breath and squeezed my hand, avoiding my eyes. His nervousness was worrying me.

"Nessie, how much do you know about sex?"

That caught me off guard.

He wanted to talk about sex? Why? Had I been reading him wrong? Did he . . . want to? Was he just waiting for me, and now he was tired of it? How did I feel about that?

"I know . . . enough."

What else was I supposed to say, "why, Jake, would you like me to draw you a diagram"?

"I know this is embarrassing, Ness, and that you'd much rather talk about this with Bella or Alice or . . . or God forbid, even Blondie."

I couldn't help but snort a little at the comment, despite the nervousness that had replaced the desire twisting in my stomach. The corners of Jacob's mouth twitched a little.

"And I know you probably would, if they were here," he continued. "But they're not, and we started this . . . relationship in a hurry and you don't . . . have anybody to talk to or to . . . explain anything to you or – and besides, it's important that we can talk about this kind of stuff anyway."

Jacob paused and took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He looked at me.

"I'm rambling here, Ness, but . . . I can tell that you're - your body wants more but that's hormones, it's part of being a teenager, and I just want to make sure you're . . . fully aware."

Of all the things I could have or should have said or asked, I'm still not quite sure why it was, "Fully aware of what?"

"You keep . . . pushing for more, Nessie, and . . . I'm not sure if you understand what you're pushing towards."

"Well . . ." I started slowly, trying to find the words best express what I wanted to say. "I know that I want you . . . like that, and I'm not sure I understand everything but – can't we just – it doesn't – "

I broke off, frustrated with myself for being so ineloquent.

"Tell me, Nessie, it's okay," Jacob urged me kindly. "Don't be embarrassed with me, please."

"You know more about . . . this stuff than me, Jake," I said quietly, his voice giving me courage. "But just because – I mean, just because I want more than to . . . to kiss you, does that mean we have to have sex?"

"No!" Jacob burst out suddenly, startling me. He gripped my hand tighter. "Nessie, don't – don't ever think that you – we never have to do anything. This is entirely about you, what you need, what's best for you."