the month of freedom [c.h]

4.7 - ECSTASY

WEDNESDAY - OCTOBER 24TH / ECSTASY

*IN NO WAY TRY THIS DRUG OR TAKE PART IN HAVING ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT. IT IS NOT COOL, IT IS DANGEROUS AND DON'T PUT YOURSELF IN THAT SITUATION - NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO LIVE YOUR LIFE, DRUGS AREN'T THE ANSWER*

"Would you please tell me what I've done wrong?" I groan, rubbing my head as Calum stomped forward towards his car. It's only early in the morning, 6am maybe? Calum was in rush and woke me up and wouldn't take no for an answer - and now he's pissed at me, "Cos, I don't remember doing anything wrong. All I remember is me doing everything right." I smirk but Calum doesn't.

"Just get in the car." I've never heard his accent to be so thick. He slams the door and starts the car up before I even finish buckling myself up.

I roll my eyes, "I don't see why you can't just tell me what's wrong since you're so fucking pissed that-"

He slams his hands onto the wheel, staring angrily at the road. I'm taken aback for a moment. I know Calum can be one to have violent outbursts but now he's really scaring me - something is really bugging him. He can't blame me for wanting to help though.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, "I just got a little worked up."

"I can tell." I scoff, crossing my arms and looking away. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of accepting his apology yet, he's been pissed since we woke up and he's the one shouting at me? No boy, that is not how it works.

We're succumbed by silence for a while and only the sounds of adults rushing to work on the roads are keeping us awake. The radio isn't on, Calum isn't speaking at all. The ocean ahead of us is shining blue but the waves look rough and mean and some surfers are tackling them with all their brutal might. I close my eyes for a moment and breathe in the air. It's calming.

"I really am sorry." He says, but I keep my eyes closed, "I don't like shouting at you. You're the person I want to shout at least. Never mind scare you - I know I just scared you." He looks over at me and then back at the road, "Fran. I'm trying to apologise."

I look over then. His eyes are bloodshot and some veins are pultruding out of his neck and his nails haven't been cleaned in at least a few days. I swallow it down because he looks like a mess but I don't know if he can see it. I don't even know if I'm looking at the same Calum who would flaunt himself off at school, because although I know it is him, there's something so different and odd that he's hard to recognise. I don't know what it is though.

I rest my hand on his leg, "What's wrong?"

He swallows, "I didn't want to tell you."

"Tell me? Has something happened? Are you okay?" His eyes are darting from me to the road and beads of sweat are dripping down his forehead, "You have to tell me if it's going to harm you - I'll help you."

"You're going to hate me. You're going to leave me." He breathes, "Let me pull over."

And then he pulls over and looks me dead in the eye. His hair is a mess and his cheeks are flushed pink even though he looks so blue. I rest my hand on his cheek and he presses into it, holding it with hands like he's never going to let it go.

"Tell me." I say, holding his cheek in my hand.

"I lost something really valuable which means I lost out on some money from a guy." He shakes his head, "Some major money we could have used or something."

"You're kind of confusing me. What have you lost and who's the guy?"

He wipes his head, "I lost some ecstasy. A valuable amount."

"Wait." I pull my hand from his cheek and hold my chest, "You're a drug dealer?"

He shakes his head hastily and tries to grab my hand back but I push myself into the car door, watching the traffic pile up ahead of us as we come to rush hour. Calum's lip is sticking out and he's pulling at his clothes, sweating like a maniac.

"I'm not a drug dealer. This was a one time thing. I'm not like that. I'm not dangerous. I just can't believe I fucked it up already." He whimpers, "I could get into big trouble."

"Why are you worrying me like this? Since when did you sell drugs? How could you be so reckless? For Christ's sake Calum - I thought you were bad but not like this. Maybe I should get out of the car." I press my hands to my face, feeling my hot skin. My fingers are cold.

"Please don't leave. I was just trying to make some extra money and Michael knows someone who could give me the ecstasy to give to someone else and I'd get some money for it. I guess I lost it last night at the party when I should have given it to the person. But we got carried away and went to the bedroom and-"

"Woah. Don't blame us for this. This is all you."

Calum's breath hitches in his throat for a moment and he stops tugging at his clothes. His eyes glaze over for a moment but then regain their redness and he disappears into a void for a moment. I watch him with all of my might; a part of my body is telling me to get out of the car right now, your parents were right but the other half is telling me to stay right where I am and hold Calum in my arms and tell him we'll work something out. He pulls me out of my thoughts.

"I knew you'd hate me." He puts his head down.

"I don't hate you." I mumble, "I just think you're really stupid. And reckless. But mostly stupid. We don't need extra money. And I'm not going to leave you. I love you too much."

"I-" He shakes his head.

I place my hand in his, "Call Michael and tell him. It's all we can do for now right? Maybe he knows something. You can't just lose a big bag of ecstasy out of nowhere."

Michael picks up after the fifth call, with Calum nearly in hysterical tears, and groggily shouts at him down the phone for a few minutes. He perks up when he hears about the drugs, my body pressed to Calum's as I try my hardest to hear their conversation.

"Wait - so you saw them?" Calum asks, pushing my head away slightly. I push back.

"Yes." I think I hear, "You gave them to me when you were drunk and I handed them to - is Fran there?" Michael stops.

"Hi Michael." I groan, "Whatever you can say to him you can say to me - I'll pull your dick off if you lie."

"I like when she's feisty." Michael giggles.

Calum growls slightly and I roll my eyes, pressuring Michael to carry on with the story because apparently Calum was overreacting. Teaches him to sell drugs in the first place.

"Yeah so I gave them to who you wanted me to and now I have your money. I should keep it really cos I did the dealing but you can have it. I know you wanted to buy Fran that-"

"Would you shut up?" Calum hisses, "Thanks Michael, we'll pick it up later. Bye."

I smile slightly at my hands and nudge Calum. He was going to get me something? Yes. He was going to get me something with drug money that could have sent to jail? Yes.

"Wait." Michael says hastily, "I also got to keep some. You want some?"

"Want some what?" Calum bites his lip.

"Some E's you idiot." Michael laughs, "I got some."

Calum looks from me and shrugs. Michael must have done something to persuade him over though because our next destination was the drug hideout in the woods where Calum and I both smoked weed together.

OMG IT'S 01:28AM AND I'M TIRED AND SHOULD SLEEP AND THIS CHAPTER SUCKS I'M SORRY!!!

I LOVE YOU.

MILLIE X

song for this chapter: la la land - dvbbs, shaun frank, delaney jane