One Hundred and Eighty Two Days ~ (a TenRose Fanfiction)

Unrequited

~Chapter 8

(I'm sorry this chapter may be a bit slow, but I promise things will only get more interesting (hopefully) from here!)

Ella :))

***

-4 days later

The Doctor's POV

~

I get home from another busy day at work and find Rose asleep in her chair, her head against lots of cut out sections of newspaper on the kitchen table. I drop my work bag and shut the door, and as I enter the kitchen I hang my coat on the coat rack, a new routine. I walk over to Rose, and notice the newspaper is on the jobs page. Obviously no luck today then. I can't just leave her sleeping there, so I decide to make a cup of tea to wake her up with. I walk over to the counter and set down the mugs and get out the milk as quietly as I can, but in the end it's the sound of the kettle that wakes Rose up. I hear her chair move out from behind me and I swivel around, to find her stood up with a strained, small smile on her face. I have to admit it and saw she looks awful, she's pale and dark bags hang under her yes says if she's had trouble sleeping. Maybe she has. "Hello." She says, walking over, arms folded across her chest.

"Hi. I was going to wake you up with a cup of tea" I say.

"Thanks." She says with a smile.

"I'm taking no luck today then?" I say. She shakes her head and sighs.

"No."

"Y'know, I can help-" I try to suggest, but she's interrupts.

"It's fine. I can do this." She says in her stubborn tone of voice. Definitely Jackie Tyler's daughter. Thinking of Jackie, Rose is probably missing her. I sigh.

"Well, if you need me, I'm here" I say.

"I know, and thank you." She smiles. I turn back to the tea and pour the boiling water over the tea bags, and move to keg them sit for a few seconds.

"Rose..."

"Yeah?"

"Do you miss your mum?" I ask.

"Yeah, I guess. Not all the time, I haven't had much time to think about it...but when I do, yeah." She shrugs "It's fine though"

"I'm sorry" I say, feeling a little guilty, and pressing the tea bag with my teaspoon.

"Don't be. It's not your fault." She says "Besides, at least it's both of us missing someone". She's back onto it again about me missing the TARDIS. And she's right, I'm connected to the TARDIS so much that it feels like a part of me is missing, and it's horrible. But I don't want Rose to know that, it only makes me seem weak, and I need to help her through these tough 6 months. But she knows me better than a lot of people, and can ultimately read me like an open book. I just nod and finish the tea, taking Rose's over to her. She thanks me and we sit down, and talk a bit about our days. However I notice halfway through talking about a really smart kid named Mylo in my class, she sort of zones out. Her eyes are still on me and she's nodding, but she seems so disconnected and distant.

"Rose, you're tired" I say, stopping my sentence.

"Hmm?" She asks.

"Go to bed. You need some rest."

"Me? I'm fine."

"As much as you may not want to admit it know you're not listening to a thing I'm saying, and usually you would, which means you're tired."

"It's okay, I'll just get tea ready"

"I'm perfectly capable of that." I say "now go and nap."

When she sighs and doesn't respond I point in the direction of her room. "Bed. Now." I say. She rolls her eyes and smiles lightly, and I ruffle her hair as she gets up. I watch as she leaves the room, satisfied with myself. Right, now dinner.

***

But Rose doesn't seem hungry either. She manages a few mouthfuls and pushes the rest around her plate. I even cooked lasagne, but she doesn't seem interested.

*((For those of you who read The Slow Path - the lasagne has been left to go cold again😂))*

I watch her with concern as we speak, and her answers are short, and she's not paying attention again, I wonder if she actually had a nap. She thanks me for the meal when we're done, and tells me she's tired so heads off to her room. I tell her it's a good idea she does so and finish tidying up. At least when Rose is I'm bed I can get away with loading the dishwasher and using the sonic to speed up the process and stack everything away within a matter of minutes. It's just so much easier. I may be trying my absolute hardest at going domestic, but then sonic will never harm anything, and it's amazing...except on wood.

***

Rose's POV

I get into my room, tired and frustrated. I'm just exhausted and confused, for a matter of reasons, and I've not been sleeping either. It's beginning to wear on me, emotionally and physically. I've lost a few pounds from skipping meals whilst the Doctor was out, due to the stress of finding a job making me not hungry in the slightest, and there's no jobs, anywhere. But I want to be independent and go at this alone, however stupid that may be. I will find somewhere, I know it. Although somewhere inside me tells me I won't...

And the tension between me and the Doctor is starting to bug me. Being in such close quarters with each other means a lot more accidental bumping, awkward conversations, and no ability to run into the depths of the TARDIS or the security of the TARDIS library when you need some alone time. But right now I need him, I need his arms around me whilst I sleep, security I've got him there, just like the night in the hotel when I had nightmares. He pretends like that night never happened, like we never shared a bed and he never held me whilst I slept. And I do too. Because I'm forced to accept the fact my love for the Doctor is unrequited. He won't ever love me in the way I love him, more than "just friends". Every time I hug him, I only want to be closer to him, and I know he's only doing it as a friendly gesture. It feels as if sometimes he leads me on, he touches my face when he feels sympathy for me, he ruffles my hair, and there countless times when his arm ends up around my waist, or I fall asleep against him on the sofa and I wake up and he's out me to bed. And I know eventually it will all become too much. But I can't confess. We're too good friends and I know if I made the slightest movement that mutual bond we have together would break, and I don't want that. Besides, he's a Timelord, and I'm a human....they're just not meant to be. With a sigh, I flop back on the bed, and trace the outline of my rips with my fingertips, noticing just how thin I'm becoming. I know it's bad, and I know it won't be long before the Doctor notices, and I'll only get backlash from him and he'll want to help with my job, but I will find a job, I can do this. Feeling tired and confused, I close my eyes and hope tonight I'm granted sleep.