One Hundred and Eighty Two Days ~ (a TenRose Fanfiction)

Under The Mistletoe

Hey guys!

I know very well you won't read this little (actually big) intro because I mean who does XD but anyways, just letting you guys know that in February I auditioned for NYT (National Youth Theatre), if you don't know what it is google it, but it's basically the worlds first youth theatre and loads of famous people have been there :D And anyways....I GOT IN!!! I was crying and screaming when I found out as it was so unexpected, hence why there was a bit of a gap in updates a few days ago...so yeah! There's basically a 1/10 chance of getting in, and if you get in you go on a two week summer course in London, then you're in the company and they give you auditions for theatre, tv and film! So if you live in England and like acting, (or there's a technical course if you're interested in that kind of thing) then I highly recommend going for an audition (acting) or interview (technical) because it's honestly amazing! Even if you don't get in the experience of auditioning is just brilliant...Very excited for summer now XD Just as a side note, these Doctor Who actors/actresses went to NYT: Matt Smith, Catherine Tate, and Alex Kingston!! <3 now on with the chapter......Sorry!

This chapter took a while to write and I hope you guys like it... :D

Ellllaaaaaa :)) x

***

~Chapter 16

-Rose's POV

Me.

It's me.

My whole body freezes to the bone, and my eyes lock with the Doctor's. I can barely breathe and my stomach feels full of butterflies, making me feel like I can fly and fall over at the same time. We just stare at each other and let the silence drag out between us, unbeknownst of what to do next. I expect him to refuse, take the forfeit but he does nothing, just stares. I can feel the circle's eyes on us, staring us down. But for the first time in my life I have absolutely no idea what to do. Kissing the Doctor could mean the end of our friendship, or maybe it won't, maybe nothing will come of it, maybe...I don't know.
"Well, are you gonna do it or what?" Lucy speaks up, her voice challenging towards the Doctor. He looks at her and swallows, before looking back to me. His eyes are questioning, questioning whether what is about to happen will come between us. But I don't know what to do, how to reply to him, so I just stand up and so does he. I'm slightly aware of Lucy also standing up, but everything has gone now, the whole world and noises around us lost. Just me and The Doctor. I'm obviously shaking, nerves overwhelming me. I don't know what to do, how to stand, how to look, if I should even make eye contact. This whole thing is proving a dilemma, a nightmare and dream at the same time. I swallow hard as the Doctor approaches me. I'm also vaguely aware of twelve pairs of eyes on us both, but I can barely register them right now. I'm not sure what's going to happen when he reaches me, so I just stand, not breaking our gaze. First thing I feel is his hands grabbing mine in front of us, stopping them from shaking.

"Rose, I need you to relax" he says quietly. I take in a breath, trying not to make it too obvious.

"Okay" I whisper.

"Can you do that?" He asks is only just an audible whisper. I can barely speak so just nod, and then suddenly the whole world disappears as his mouth touches mine for the first time. It's like I've never been kissed and am a teenager again, standing on the front porch having my first kiss stolen by an undergraduate basketball player, which did actually happen. But this feels different to anything before, I've been well and truly taken away from the world. Electricity rushes through my veins and a warm pit of fire wells up in my core, and I realize this is only what I've dreamt of. It can't be real. His lips move softly against mine, his hands still clasped over my own between us, and I barely have time to respond when his lips have left mine, and he's stood back. I open my eyes and find Lucy dangling mistletoe above our heads.

"Happy Christmas, lovebirds!" She smiles. I blush possibly the deepest shade of red ever, and my heart is racing like a rapid drum beat in my chest. The Doctor doesn't let go of my gaze, and I don't know what to do now. What has happened between us? Are we together like that now? No, of course were not, that was just a game. That's how the Doctor would've seen it anyway, nothing but a game. I swallow hard and Lucy has to draw us back down to Earth and instruct us to sit down. I don't know what to do next. The last few people take their turns and the evening is over. Everyone says their goodbyes until it's only me and The Doctor left in the room. We share a glance, and the Doctor's the first to speak.

"I'm sorry, Rose. I should've asked if you wanted to, I never meant for that to happen" he says. Of course he didn't, I say inside. I want to reply and tell him I love him, tell him I've always loved him and I want many more kisses like that, but he's just confessed he never meant for that to happen, which means he didn't want it to happen. So there's no point wishing on a dying star. I sigh and shake my head.

"It's fine. It's just a game, don't worry" I say, and look down at my feet. He comes over and takes my hand.

"Merry Christmas" he says, and there's a sense of something in his voice, sadness? No, of course not.

"Merry Christmas" I reply, and smile half-heatedly.

***

-The Doctor's POV

"It's just a game". That's what she said. Of course she wouldn't feel the same way. It didn't mean anything, nothing. Just a kiss. Just a game. I tried to tell her through the kiss, what I've been wanting to tell her for such a long time. Those three simple words. But I had to stop myself. My first kiss with Rose wasn't pictured to be in front of a crowd, playing a game. I never even expected to ever kiss her, but if I was going to that wasn't the way I pictured it. I wasn't going to let myself, but my emotions gave in.I had to stop the kiss before she could even try to kiss back, because I know she wouldn't try to, and it would just be me. I had to pull away and end it before I embarrassed myself any more. And she said it herself, it's just a game. So we exchange a merry Christmas and exit the pub hand-in-hand in the falling snow, just as always, just as if nothing happened. Because that's how it's got to be. It's unrequited and she probably doesn't even have the slightest thought  of me in that way. And if, but some crazy chance she did, maybe in some desolate parallel world, it couldn't happen. There are complications I haven't explained, and those are complications I'll never have to.