One Hundred and Eighty Two Days ~ (a TenRose Fanfiction)

Together

~Chapter 23
Sorry if you guys find this a bit long, it took ages to write due to how it's a bit complicated and explains quite a bit. So sorry for that, there'll be more fluff in the next chapter, PROMISE XD
Ella :)) x

***
-Rose's POV

"We've got a long time" I say with a small smile. The Doctor takes a deep breath.
"I need to show you, not tell you"
"Show me?" I ask.
"Yes, it will involve me going into your mind and showing you images of my past to tell you, is that okay?" He asks gently. I hesitate a second before nodding, unbeknownst of what I'm about to be told "If you want me to stop, just say" he says. I nod. The Doctor lifts up his hands and places two fingers on my temples, and both our eyes fall shut as he reaches into my mind.
At first I see darkness, but then it's light. I see a garden with red grass, and a beautiful woman with dark hair holding a tiny baby in an armchair. I'm confused and can't piece it together, but keep watching. Then I see a man, and I can't help but recognise him from somewhere. He's got a different face, but the same eyes...The Doctor. He leans down and picks up the baby, holding it close against him. Then the image is over and another scene rolls out. This time the Doctor is a fair bit older and so is the woman, and two young adults stand next to them, one heavily pregnant. Then the scene switches and shows the once pregnant woman with a tiny baby and she's crying as a man I've never seen before leaves her. I keep watching, confused but hooked to the story unraveling before me. Then the baby suddenly grows up within a few flips of images, and she looks much older, and this time the Doctor looks so much older than I've ever seen him, white hair and a wrinkled face. I've seen images of past his before, and know this is his first incarnation.
Then suddenly the girl vanishes, and the Doctor is crying, then the scene is over. Suddenly everything goes dark and Daleks appear in the sky. Flames roar higher than the thousands of people rushing about, and then a wall breaks down to reveal a man. The same eyes, the Doctor. But I've not seen this face before, I've not been showed this face before. And that's when I realise it's the time war unraveling through my eyes, and there is the Doctor the Doctor chooses to forget. The war Doctor.
I don't let the Doctor pull out my mind, despite the fact I'm worried for what I'm about to see. The flames rise higher than ever before, and explosions blow up all around, children running and screaming for their parents. I know I must be crying, and I don't know if I can take much more. I see the Doctor then faced with a red button, and the planet explodes, Gallifrey burning. The cries of children and the smell of fire rage through me, and I realise this is what the Doctor has had to to live with since the time war, guilt of killing his own people. Knowing it's all getting too much, I pull myself away from the Doctor.
My eyes fly open to reveal the beach, and lean back onto the sand to catch my breath, tears falling rapidly down my face. The Doctor places an arm in my shoulder "I'm sorry, but you needed to know the truth"
"I know" I say through ragged breaths, and sit up. He stares at me intently as I finally meet his eyes "that was horrible"
"That's what I have to live with, every day. The guilt." He says.
"Don't feel guilty" I say, and wipe my tears away with the back of my hand "You did what you had to do"
"But I killed then Rose, all of them. Don't you hate me?"
"I could never hate you" I say "You're too wonderful to hate, and I've never met any one so brilliant in my entire life. You may have killed them, but you had to need the time war, and that was the way, so you need to let go." I say.
"Thank you" he says, and I squeeze his hands in mine. He stares at me and I see his own eyes watering.
"Who were those people? The dark haired woman and her baby, then the two adults and then the baby that grew up? Who were they, Doctor?"
"They were my family" he says quietly "You needed to know that"
"Your family?" I ask gently, wiping away tears.
"The dark haired woman was my wife, and the baby she was holding was our son, and then the two adults you saw were our son grown up and our heavily pregnant daughter. She had got pregnant with my granddaughter in a way the Gallifreyan's would only call immoral, so she gave birth to my first grandchild and was executed by the High Galiffreyans" the Doctor pauses to regain composure so I squeeze his hand before he continues "Susan, my granddaughter survived, but I will never know where she is to this day. If she's alive I don't know where I could find her. I left her on future Earth with a freedom fighter she had fallen in love with, and I've not seen her since." He says.
"What do you mean about your daughter getting pregnant?" I ask.
"In Gallifrey, they use looming, not the normal biological way of making a baby. But my daughter was always against it from the start, so decided she would be different. Too much like me I suppose, so she got pregnant with another timelord and gave birth to Susan, but the High Gallifreyan's weren't happy" he says.
"I'm so sorry"
"Don't be, it's not your fault"
"So you don't know where she is?" I ask. The Doctor shakes his head. "what about your son?"
"Gone. With the rest of the time lords."
By the tone of his voice I know what he means "You're still blaming yourself"
"How could you not? Every minute of every day, every time I see a baby or a child, or a vulnerable mother I think of them. I think of the people I killed, millions of innocent women, men, and children. All gone. My whole family, my whole planet. Burned and gone" he says.
"Doctor, please" I say, and feel my eyes watering "It's too much, and you need to stop" I say. He looks at me apologetically.
"I'm sorry I upset you, but you had to know about my past" he says.
"And I'm sorry you're upset, but you've got to let go now, and I can help you" I say.
"I don't-"
"Together" I say, and hold his hands tightly.

***
-The Doctor's POV

"What was the other thing you wanted to tell me?" Rose asks a little later as we sit on the shore, our feet getting covered by the warm salty water.
"It was about us" I say, remembering what I've got to tell her.
"What about us?" She asks, looking over at me. Her hazel eyes shine like gold in the glow of the dying day.
"Rose I can't..." I start, and become a little choked up "I can't have children"
"What?" She asks "ever?"
"Well, yes, I can. But not in that way..." I start. She suddenly looks less confused and nods.
"I get it" she says.
"What?"
"I understand Doctor, and you don't have to be embarrassed" she nods. Me feeling confused now, I sit up a little.
"I don't understand" I say.
"It's okay if you're asexual-"
"Whoa, hold up" I say "I'm not asexual"
"But I thought-'
"You thought wrong" I interrupt Rose and turn to face her more.
"Then what?"
"Humans and Timelords can't reproduce together...and that's a fact. There are tales of it happening in the past, but it's all made up."
"So what you meant was, we can't ever have kids?" Rose asks.
"Yeah" I nod a little sadly.
"Oh. Well I guess I knew that" she says.
"I'm sorry" I say suddenly, and wrap Rose in a tight hug, lifting her up off the ground.
"I don't mind, as long as I've got you"