Onward And Sideways (Completed.)

Getting Out

*Fable McCune*

I need to get out. I have to get out.

I sit on my bed, crying so hard I'm choking, and can't breath, but trying to be quite.

Nobody cares if I cry. Somehow I'll just get in trouble for it.

Everything is my fault, according to my family. Because their lives are hard, mine can't be? They find a way to make everything my fault. There's too many things going on to explain.

I lift my shirt and dig my nails into the soft flesh of my belly, dragging my nails across with enough force to leave trails. I deserve this. I deserve to hurt.

Nothing ever gets better, I'm not allowed to be happy for long, nothing changes. I am trapped. If I didn't deserve pain then I would have been able to get out. At least this way I can focus on the physical.

No one knows. This is my secret. I never cut myself enough to bleed. I just leave welts.

I have to get out. Maybe things will get better in my family if I leave. Maybe not, but I have to try. I can't take it anymore. One way or another, I'm getting out.

I post on my group chat, explaining my story, and asking if anybody would be willing to let me live with them for a very short while, until I found a new job.
By a stroke of fate, Lucy responds, telling me that she's moving out to LA, and has been looking for a roomate to share costs. Do I want to do it?

Tears streaming down my face in relief and uncertianty, I type my responce: Yes.