Dear Camila,
There was never a time when I wasn't happy around you or when we couldn't stand to see each other's faces. We had never gotten mad at each other. People would often ask us how we did it. How we managed to stay this perfect couple from high school. How we never had a single fight or a single tear fall from our eyes because of something the other did or said to make us feel horrible inside. We would just smile and say that maybe destiny was on our side and that we were just so compatible that we understood each other all the time. But that wasn't true.
Sometime in the third year of college before we graduated and moved in with our parents, we had our first official fight.
The owner of the dorms finally found me a new roommate and they quickly moved in and settled. He gave me some girl named Natalie who I didn't like very much. Just looking at her and being in her presence for less than five seconds I could already tell I didn't like her. You know that old saying that goes "Don't judge a book by its cover"? Well that rule didn't apply in that moment.
Have you ever disliked someone for no reason? They didn't say or do anything to you, they just gave off this horrible vibe and it's like you could feel in the air of how bad of a person they were. That's the way it was with me and Natalie. However, I did try to at least give her a chance just in case the feeling I had was a mistake.
She moved in with me and for a while I rarely ever saw her which I thanked god for. She was often out at a party getting drunk, vandalizing things or smoking with her gang of friends behind the building. I know that because I could hear her laughing and talking nonsense with her friends as the black smoke would creep in through the window and invade my nose. Often I would lay there until I was gagging, then I would get up and go and sleep in my friends Amy's room with her roommate.
Every once in a while when she actually was present in our room, she would bring some girl along with her. I would have my back to the door at those times and she would think I was sleeping, so she would pull the curtain that divided our room and I would be forced to hear the sounds of her making the other girl moan. I was always hearing her name on repeat, over and over again. It was like replaying the same song over and over again until you hated it.
One morning, Natalie was actually getting ready for school and had planned to attend class instead of ditching. I was gathering my papers on my desk for a class that I would be having later when I felt arms wrap around my waist, and a pair of lips kissed my neck.
I gasped and turned around. "W-what are you doing, Natalie?" I asked her.
She smirked "I just realized that you are the only girl in this school who I haven't hooked up with"
I cleared my throat as she back me up onto the desk and trapped me there. "Guess it's gonna be that way until I leave, huh?"
"Nope." She replied before attacking my lips with hers. I tried to pull away but I couldn't. She gripped my butt and sat me on my desk before trailing her lips onto my neck. I moaned in pleasure because let's face it, it felt good, but it wasn't you and I wasn't into her.
I heard a loud gasp in the doorway and we pulled apart. I turned to see your eyes filling up with tears and your mouth open wide. On the floor, in front of your feet was a red rose.
I jumped off the desk "Camila. It's not what it looks like" I told you. I hated myself for saying that. It was one of the most used lines from any romantic movie. Anyone could tell you that.
You turned and ran off down the hall.
I chased after you, calling your name, but you didn't stop until you got to your car outside.
"Why!" You screamed at me as I saw a stream of tears trickling down your now stained cheeks. "Why are you doing this to me, Lauren?"
I shook my head "She kissed me. I didn't kiss her. I don't even like her. I hate her" I told you.
"You didn't even pull away!"
I grabbed your hand only for you to quickly pull it away "I did, Camila. I did pull away but she forced herself back onto me"
We broke up that day as the sky decide that now was the perfect time for it to rain and form a thunder and lightning storm. I watched you drive off as the sky became dark. I couldn't tell if the water that was on my cheeks was the rain that was coming down or if it was me crying.
A part of me died that day and I swore that I was going to die from broken heart syndrome because my heart hurt so badly. It felt like I had been stabbed repeatedly in my chest.
I spent the rest of that year crying and being depressed. My grades dropped and for a while I dropped out of college. I joined again back at the exact same spot I had been in when we got back together.
Our breakup didn't last long because you showed up at my house on Valentine's Day while I was visiting my parents. You showed up with a bear, a small box of chocolate and an extra-large pizza that said 'I'm sorry' on the inside of the box.
To be honest, Camila, I don't know how I was able to live without you for those six months. I'm surprised I didn't die, because that's what it felt like I was doing, each day that passed.
I'm happy that we forgave each other and got back together, because I wanted to spend my entire life loving you and showing you exactly how much you meant to me. And that's what I did.
Sincerely,
Lauren Jauregui
