Dear Camila,
You lived two more years, happy and healthy besides the cancer. Sometimes I thought you would makeit through this cancer, and you and I would die together of old age. But the day I had been dreading came, and it hit me hard.
You got so sick one day. You were throwing up blood nonstop and then you fell down the stairs, landingyourself into the hospital.
"Typical Camila" I joked to lighten the mood.
You smiled at me and took my hand.
Our friends came and visited you in the hospital. They brought you flowers and teddy bears along withchocolates and books to keep you company in the hospital. You would smile at them and thank them kindly.
After everyone left the hospital I looked to you and told you I was going to leave you alone for a bit toread your books. I was about to get up from the chair, but as I started to you gripped my wrist in your hand and pulled me back down.
"I don't need books to entertain me" you said "I already have you here. Those books can wait another day." You smiled at me. This time this smile was a genuine smile that reached your eyes. But you lookedpaler and weeker than I last remembered you when you smiled. I missed that cute adorable smile youwould give me, or that smirk you would give me to turn me on or your sweet laugh. I only merely got aglimpse of what I had been missing for a long while.
I began to get tired and so did you. I didn't plan on going home and leaving you at the hospital alone so I stayed a night in your room. You invited me to sleep next to you on the bed and I gladly accepted the offer.
You snuggled into my side and sighed in happiness into my shirt. "Although I feel like complete shit right now," you started "I feel happy. You're here, Lauren. It's all because you're here"
I smiled and ran my hand over where your hair used to be. I imagined running my hand through it again,feeling the softness of it and smelling your strongly scented strawberry shampoo that had been sitting in our shower now for a little over two years. It never left its place.
"I love you to the moon and back" You whispered quietly. I could tell you were getting sleepier by the moment, so I kissed your bald head and whispered back "I love you to the moon and back too, babe"
You fell asleep. I didn't fall asleep too much longer after that.
You never woke up the next morning. You weren't breathing. The doctors told me that by how cold your skin felt he could tell that you had been dead for a few hours now.
I cried in the waiting room chairs as I waited for Dinah to come pick me up. The doctor just patted my back and told me that he was sure that you had a painless death since it was during your sleep. I was thankful for that.
At least I got to hold you once more. At least I said I love you once more. At least I got to feel your skin on mine once more and I got to kiss you again. At least you died in my arms. At least you died knowing I loved you to the moon and back.
Sincerely,
Lauren Jauregui
