Dear Camila,
You went through a very big depression after you miscarried our child. Most of the time I had to forceyou to eat because you refused to eat or drink or open the windows to let the light in. You just laid in bed with the blue stuffed bear that we bought Max for when he would be born, and you would listen to Ed Sheeran on repeat as loud as you could. You let me in the room sometimes because even in your depression you still needed me. You needed me then, more than you had ever needed me in your life.
I forced you out of the room one night and sat you on the couch in front of the fireplace. You were wearing sweats and a tank top and you had bags under your eyes, indicating that you had been crying again.
I broke out my guitar and sang you the only song that I could think of that described what we were goingthrough. And I knew it was one that you knew.
So I sang.
You were just a small bump unborn, four months then brought to life,
You might be left with my hair, but you'll have your mother's eyes,
I'll hold your body in my hands be as gentle as I can,
And now your scan on my unmade plans,
Small bump four months then brought to life
I'll hold you tightly, I'll give you nothing but truth,
If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you
You are my one, and only
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight
Oh you are my one, and only
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight
And you'll be alright.
You're just a small bump unknown and you’ll grow into your skin
With a smile like hers and a dimple beneath your chin
Finger nails the size of a half grain of rice
And eyelids closed to be soon opened wide a small bump,
In four months you'll open your eyes
I'll hold you tightly, I'll give you nothing but truth,
If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you
You are my one, and only
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight
Oh you are my one, and only
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight
And you'll be alright
You can lie with me, with your tiny feet when your half asleep,
I'll leave you be
Right in front of me for a couple weeks
So I can keep you safe
'Cause you are my one, and only
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight
Oh you are my one, and only
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight
And you'll be alright
You're just a small bump unborn just for four months then torn from life
Maybe you were needed up there but we're still unaware of why
You hugged me afterwards and we cried together on the couch, because I had missed you so much. I had my Camila back, and despite the amount of sadness I had gone through losing Max and being a little depressed myself, you didn’t fail to make me happy again.
Sincerely,
Lauren Jauregui
