Dear Camila,
I swear that today, the only thing teenagers in relationships want is to have sex. Or if they're not in a relationship, they're looking to 'Hook up' as they call it.
I don't get it. I really don't. Don't they even realize that their first time for them or with anyone at all is such a special moment that should only be shared with someone who is actually special to you? I feel bad for anyone who ever gave up their virginity or gave themselves to anyone who didn't actually matter, because that moment was supposed to be special.
For you and I, it was different. But it was also a different time, when most teens understood the risks and understood that giving themselves up to someone was not something that you were supposed always do. It was a very rare privilege. At least for any teens I knew back when we were high school and college.
It was my second year of college, and I had been super stressed out with work and school. I didn't know that something could make me want to rip my hair out so bad, but I guess that was just life. It was something that my parents warned me about and tried to keep me a kid as long as they could. Now I understood them.
I sat in my dorm room alone since the owner of the dorms had yet to find someone to share a room with me. I was seated at my desk, typing away on my computer, writing about what Shakespeare had been trying to say in Romeo and Juliet. I looked up from my computer screen and at the picture that hung right above the desk. It was a picture of you and I. It was a picture that Dinah had taken of us about a year ago when we both returned home for Christmas. We all gathered at your house that holiday and we ate tons of food and these really delicious peanut butter cookies that you had learned to make in aclass that you were taking in college.
I remember setting your present that I had bought you on the small round table in the dining room. I walked over to it and gestured for you to follow.
"I got you something" I remember saying.
You smiled at me and gripped the box before opening it. It was a necklace that said I love you on it. It was locket with a picture of me kissing you on the cheek. You put it on and kissed my cheek like I had in that picture. "I love you too." You said.
"Aww" Dinah said with a smile before we turned to face her. "I bet you guys didn't know that you're under the mistletoe"
We both looked up at the same time and sure enough, there it was. The small little plant that somehow resembled love. Not just romantically but every other kind of love too.
We looked at each other and smiled. You leaned in and captured my lips in yours and for a second I was a bit taken back by the action, but soon eased into it. I kissed you back even harder as I wrapped my arms tightly around your waist and you wrapped your arms around my neck and deepened the kiss even more by turning your head and swiping your tongue across my bottom lip. I granted you access. You swiped your tongue on the roof of my mouth, making it tickle and I slightly giggled as you repeated.
A very bright light flashed, almost blinding us. We turned to realize that Dinah had taken a picture of us unexpectedly.
She smiled down at her phone with a face eating grin and chuckled "You guys are so cute, that it kills me inside sometimes" She said.
I had her send it to me then I printed it out. I hung it right above my desk because every time that I became frustrated with my homework, I would look at it and it would suddenly give me strength again to continue on with my work.
You don't even know how many assignments I finished just taking a moment to look at that picture of us.
As I continued to stare at the picture of us, I heard a knock on the door. I was confused because I hadn't been expecting any visitors today.
When I opened the door, my mouth almost dropped to the floor. It was you. It was really you standing there in front of me.
You stood there with a huge smile on your face before I picked up your light body and spun you around. You giggled. I set you down on the floor and closed the door behind us.
"How?" I asked you.
"Lots of saving up" You answered "I couldn't go another day without seeing you again." You smiled at me before leaning forward to kiss me.
We spent a whole week together that week. I would go to school, get home and you would still be waiting for me. We would lay in my bed and cuddle for a while then out to do a new activity in the town at night. We saw light shows, movies, played Laser tag, went mini golfing and went out to have coffee late at night.
On your last night in town we went out to a fancy restaurant then went home to get ready for bed since you had to leave in the afternoon the next day.
On our way home, a song came on the radio that you liked. Of course it was an Ed Sheeran song. It was thinking out loud.
"Lauren, stop the car and pull over!" You said.
"Why?" I asked you.
"Just do it!"
Because at that time, I was what my friends would call Whipped, I pulled over onto the side of a very empty road and onto a grassy area.
You turned the radio all the way up, to the point where it hurt my ears. You got out of the car and I followed you. You took my hand and pulled me close, wrapping your arms around my neck, while I positioned my hands around your waist. We slow danced to the song that night and even the song after that even though it was an upbeat song. We just didn't want to move.
Somehow after we slow danced we found ourselves in the back seat of my car, with the radio turned down slightly.
You were straddling my hips while you kissed me hungrily. My hands rested on your hips, drawing circles on your now bare skin with my thumb. We had no clothes on and I thanked god that no one ever really drove down this road, because if they came down the road now, they would be able to see a very graphic scene that I was sure that they would not want to be seeing.
I remember you rolling your hips against mine and kissing my neck as our centers met and I let out a very loud moan.
"Oh god" I said
You chuckled before laying back the seat and kissing down my body. You stopped when you came to my very bare naked center. You latched your lips onto my bundle of nerves and sucked and licked as I kept screaming your name and moaning.
We spent that whole night making sure we caught up with the love that we were missing out on while we were away from each other.
What made that even more special than the way we initiated it, was the fact that it was the first time for both of us and neither of us regretted it the next morning when we woke up. The only thing we regretted was waiting so far into the week to do that because now you had to leave.
We got dressed and I drove you to the airport with your stuff. You took at least half an hour kissing me goodbye before boarding the plane. I watched as you flew away from me.
I still have no regrets being with you that night. It was so perfect and I couldn't find anyone better to share that moment with than you.
I love you, Camila. I really do. I love you so much that it hurts me sometimes to not have you around me.
I still love you.
Sincerely,
Lauren Jauregui
