Runways

Chapter 1

"Dani..."

Gerri has been looking for her cousin all over the airport for over an hour already. The last time she caught a glimpse of Dani was when she ran out of the cabin crew lockers mumbling something about James, leaving her and the other crew members worried and confused. It was only after an hour of searching did she find her cousin in the darkened corridor of the departure gate, slumped over in a corner staring out into the busy tarmac.

"Hindi ko siya inabutan," Dani says flatly, her voice now devoid of any emotion. It's been over an hour–she's run out of tears and she doesn't think there's anything left in her. James already left. He was on a plane bound for Europe and he took with him her heart. "Hinabol ko yung plane, kaso nag-clearance na sila. Hindi ko na siya inabutan."

"Dani..."

"Bakit ganon, Gerri? Why do people always leave? Ako na lang ang laging naiiwan, nasasaktan, napapabayaan. Minsan, tinatanong ko sa sarili ko, may mali ba ako? Ano bang ginawa ko? Bakit ganito? Ako na lang... lagi na lang..."

Dani broke down in tears as she slumped even further in despair, sobs wracking through her entire body. She thought there was nothing left for her to cry about but it seemed like the memory of losing James hurt even more than when Matthew had to go. She lost Matt beyond her control, but James? She had every power within her to hold him, to keep him–and yet, she still managed to let him go. 

Gerri kneeled in front of her cousin as she wrapped her arms around her, cradling her as she sobbed through her uniform, Dani's pain leaving marks in the form of ruined mascaras and washed out make-up.

"Hindi ka naman iniwan ni James eh," Gerri soothed, though she wasn't sure if her words would temper the pain in Dani's already wounded heart. "Babalik yun. Babalik siya–"

"He l-left for Europe. Three year contract, private p-pilot," Dani sucked in a breath, the pain in her heart intensifying–searing, breaking, wounding her. "Three years. Matagal yun, h-hindi ko–ano yun? Pano yun? Pano ko malalaman kung babalik pa siya?"

Three years. The last thing she got from James was a bouquet of flowers and a letter hoping she would forgive him for his shortcomings and that he loves her. She's forgiven him right at that very moment and deep in her heart she knew she loves him too. She loved Matthew, yes and she will continue loving him in a way she'd never forget, but James–she loved him the moment he started picking up the pieces to her shattered heart. He might not know it yet, but he's stitched her back together in the most perfect way. Her heart may be uneven, patched, and rumpled–but whole and complete and protected.

If only he didn't leave. 

"Mahal ka ni James," Gerri said as she wiped her tear-stained cheeks. "Mahal na mahal ka niya."

Dani looked out into the runway, watching the planes lift off one by one, each of them heading to their respective destinations. 

"I don't know if I can keep doing this," she says quietly as she watches a plane enter the airspace and circle the airport. She knows the feeling, going around in circles, waiting–just waiting for instruction to land. Just like her life. She's always waiting when she'd finally get the chance to land.

Gerri lets go of her and she follows Dani's gaze, looking out the busy runways. "Doing what?"

"Keep losing the people that I love."

Gerri exhaled as she stared back at her cousin–broken, shattered but still beautiful. She's known Dani all her life and she knew how strong she was. Sure, she may be fragile at times, but despite the fact that she's been hit by challenges left and right during the past couple of months, she knew that Daniella Tayao would still come out standing strong in the end.

"You didn't lose James, Dani," Gerri whispered softly as she smoothed out Dani's uniform, straightening the disheveled scarf around her neck. "He just needs to find himself before he gives himself to you. At the risk of sounding cliché, you also need to find yourself. Give yourself time to heal, para pag bumalik si James, you'll be able to heal together."

The airport tarmac buzzes with energy as planes come and go, ground and cabin crew muddling around in the small world of this busy airport. It's dark outside, but Dani could see the bright lights along the runway shining brightly against the darkness the night brings, leading the landing planes home. You often find these lights disappear when the plane taxis for take off, but Dani knows it's there, brightly lit and waiting when they come back. Maybe that was what James is in her life–her guiding light. Maybe James was the little light she needed to find her way back home.