Blades of Silence (Jaspar fanfic)

Frozen.

HEY! I'm so glad so many people like this story, Makes me really happy. :)

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I feel weight lifting off of me and noticing Caspar walking into the bathroom he stands there staring at the mirror , "What are you doing?" My voice full of sleep. "Huh? Oh, nothing." He speaks clearing his throat looking at me, smiling softly. I frown, "you're hiding something." I say removing the covers and sitting up rubbing my bulging stomach. "I'm not." He speaks. "You hungry?" he asks avoiding the situation.

"Of course I'm hungry, But I'm not going to eat until you tell me what's wrong." I tell him standing up crossing my arms over my chest. He sighs loudly "Joe, don't fucking worry about it alright I can handle things myself." He speaks abruptly finally walking out of the bathroom and over to the cupboard opposite  pulling out a pair of jeans along with a gray low cut shirt. 

I turn to look at him, tilting my head slightly. "Caspar, I know I just got back, but please let me help, It's obviously making you wake up at stupid early!" I take a breath as he pulls his shirt off angrily. Not in a sexual way, but in a way, it was refreshing to see.  "Don't worry about it." He says quietly. 

           "I have to! You have cuts on your wrist Caspar!" I practically scream. He shuts his eyes bowing his head.  I breath deeply.  "This is not how I expect are reunion to go." He laughs.  He sits down on the bed his back facing me. "I expected there to be, lots of kisses, and hugs, and sorry's, but instead we're are arguing at 7:30 in the morning." he laughs quietly.

I sadly look down at my stomach.  Climbing on the bed I crawl over to him, Wrapping my arms around his stomach pressing my chest into him.  

     I feel his breath become choppy, And his shoulders start to shake. I try to look at his face peering over his shoulder at him. Tears streaming out of his eyes that are clamped shut. I hold him tighter as his lips part a sob breaking the silent tension.  We sit like that for awhile him crying and me holding him, I started to cry shortly after he did, I blame it on my hormones, my cheek resting on his shoulder blade I feel his hand grab at mine that was holding tight around his stomach. He laces our fingers together rubbing small circles into the back of my hand. 

"Please tell me Cas," I beg. "Please, so I can help." I continue.

   We again sit in silence. He turns around red puffy eyes staring at me sadly his tear stained cheeks, rosy. "Please don't leave again." He whispers breaking my heart. "Is that why?" I ask. He sighs heavily, nodding his head "Part of it." he explains turning his head to face the window again. I put my forehead against his spine. His hand still holding mines. "Casp, what do you want?"  he doesn't say anything. 

I open my mouth to speak pulling away from him, but before I can get even a breath out a single syllable Caspar speaks up. 

"You." He says quietly. I lay back on the pillows smiling, "Not what I meant you rodney." He smiles down at me even though his eyes where still red from crying. 

He leans back his shoulder bumping my thighs and his head laying across them. 

"What do you mean then?" he asks staring at me. "The baby. What do you want the baby to be?"  with no hesitation he answers my question. "A boy."  he says 

"And if it's a girl?" I ask. "I'll love her just the same but I really want a little boy." I answers.

"What about you, what do you want?" I asks me.