Blades of Silence (Jaspar fanfic)

For You.

I know it's been a while and I am very, very sorry. But, this chapter hits home and was very hard for me to write. I hope you all enjoy.

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"CASPAR!" My head was pounding and my heart was racing. My hangover now forgotten as I stared at my boyfriends body laying on his bathroom floor surrounded by blood.

"Casp?" I leaned down dropping to my knees picking up his head and setting it in my lap.

"What do I do?" I cry to myself.

Phone, "Hold on Caspar I'll be right back." I rush up stairs to find my phone.

"911 whats your emergency?" The women says on the other line.

(Sorry if that's not the UK emergency line I'm american so I don't know what it is.)

"Hi yes, my boyfriend is passed out on the bathroom, He self harmed and I don't know what to do." I rush running back down the stairs.

"Okay sir, Is he responsive?" she asks "Is he breathing?"

I lean my ear down to his mouth and hear his soft breaths.

"Yes! yes, he's breathing!" I say tears rushing to my eyes. "I need you to grab a towel and find where he cut himself and apply pressure to the area." I grab a towel off the sink pressing it to his wrist in my lap. "Okay."

"Did he move when you put it on his wrist."

"NO! was he supposed to? He didn't oh no. Caspar please." I cry

"Sir I need you to calm down I have emergency services coming to your placement now. What's your name?" she ask sweetly.

"It's J-joe" I say whimpering into the phone.

       Caspar coughs spluttering and choking on air my eyes fly to him. I drops my phone to the ground,not caring if it breaks, I grab Caspar's cheek and bring his hand to my chest, still pressing on the wound. Blood covering my hand and the towel.

"Babe?!" I cry sliding my hand down his cheek.

"Hang on." I quickly pick up the phone putting it on speaker, and set it back down. "He's awake. He's coughing, and his eyes are open." I say almost yelling to the woman on the phone.

"That's great, the ambulance is 3 minutes away. Keep talking to him and make sure he stays awake." I nod my head as Caspar stares up at me.

" Casp, I love you. I love you so damn much. Whatever made you feel this way, I'm so sorry. Just please know that I love you." I sniffle rubbing my thumb along his cheek bone. Staring into his hazy eyes.

"I-I love." Caspar stares, eyes closing and opening. "Shh, it's okay baby I know." I lean down pulling him up so our faces meet. I press my lips gently to his, his lips kiss mine softly, a loud knock is heard up stairs.

"They're here, Caspar, hold on." I run up the stairs almost tripping up them.

          "He's down stairs, he's awake. But I think he's passing out, the blood isn't stopping." I rush down the stairs almost as fast I went up. "Hey, they're hear to help." I say knelling next to him as the paramedics pull out their equipment. He painfully smiled at me.

"Thank you." he whispers. Once he was pulled up and out of the bathroom on a stretcher, I sat there looking at Caspar's blood on my hands.

A pale and limp Caspar, forever in my memory. I stand up slowly, as I hear the sirens blare, I start to clean his blood of my hands I get dressed quickly rushing to the car, my mind still racing 100 miles an hour.

         Once I finally arrive to the hospital I sit in the waiting room for an hour, trying to calm down and also giving the doctors time to help Caspar.

      I walk to the desk calmly, "Hi, Joe Sugg to see Caspar Lee." The nurse looks to me.

"Sorry, family only." She spoke annoyed. My anger instantly rose.

        "Sure let me just fucking fly them from South Africa!" I yell. "I'm his boyfriend! Let me see him!" She flinches and types something on her computer.

"Room C308, sorry for the confusion." She says timidly.

"Sorry?" I say quietly

        "Which room?" She looks to me

"C308." She says a bit louder.

My heart drops to my stomach. C308...

I walk to the elevator and push to the button.

That's the room I....

The door dings and it opens a woman walks out I smile to her shyly walking in pushing the 3 button.

The rest of the walk I'm stuck in my head.

I look up at the door

C308....

I knock hearing a happy "come in" I push the door open.

"Hello, You must be Joe." The nurse speaks "Yea." I say looking at a sleeping Caspar.

        "He asked for you right before he fell asleep." She states. I nod my head walking over to him putting my hand on his forehead, pushing his hair back kissing his forehead carefully as if he were a fragile piece of glass.

She starts to leave the room. "Wait!" I say moving away from Caspar

"Is there something I can help you with?" She asks

"Actually, Is there anyway we can get a new room?" She looks at me questioningly "I -uh. We- uh. Caspar and I were in this room after we lost our children." I inform her.

"Oh! I'm so sorry for your loss. We will move you guys as soon as we can!" she rushes out of the room.

Tears rush to my eyes. As I stand stone still in the middle of the room.

"Babe." Caspar's voice break though the air, rough and scratchy. My head snaps up and I abruptly turn to him.

"Hi. How do you feel?" I ask him wiping my eyes going to sit next to him.

"I'm sorry.." He mumbles to me.
"Don't be sorry, Caspar." I say quickly.
" I never meant for it to be t-that bad. I never wanted you to find me like that. Joe, I love you so much." He says voice cracking and tears running down his face.

   "Caspar, I think, maybe, you should talk to other people that have gone through this. Maybe it would help you. Because, honestly I don't know the first thing to dealing with this. And, I love you too and I don't ever want to lose you to this." I say softly.

      This thought has been running through my mind after I found him all those months ago, after we had our first fight. I never seen Caspar look so broken in my life, I don't want to see him like that again.

"Anything for you Joe." He says grabbing at my hand that I put next to him on his bed.

" I don't want it to be for me. I want it to be for you, you deserve to be happy too, Caspar."

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Thank you all so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please feel free to contact me. And as always I will see you in the next chapter! Buh-bye!!