It's Okay.

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Here is another chapter I hope you enjoy :)

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Patient Name: Sugg, Joe G.

Date Of Birth: 9.8.1991

Issue(s): Male Pregnancy

Condition: Unstable

Info: Joe Sugg is a 24 year old male, with a condition of Persistent Müllerian Duct Syndrome (PMDS). Became pregnant with partner 15 weeks ago. Twins, are pronounced dead at 11:37 PM. Asked if he wants uterus removed and he denied.

Joe's POV

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They're gone.

I feel numb, like the rest of the world doesn't matter, I feel empty. I'm in recovery, but I don't feel like I will ever recover. I see Caspar walk in the door his head scanning across the room in search of me, I feel like I should wave him over but I don't have the willpower to do anything. His eyes finally meet mine, he rushes over to the side of the bed pulling me into a strong hug. He pulls back not letting go of my shoulders, I turn my head away from him looking anywhere but his eyes.

"Hey." He mumbles, grabbing my chin pulling my face to look at him. "Don't shut me out." He whispers. His eyes are red, so are his cheeks. I nod my head lifting my arms up and pulling him into the hospital bed with me, I just want to sleep and know Caspar is there.

He pulls me into his chest wrapping his arms around my shoulders as I wrap my arms around his stomach pulling him closer to me. He rests his chin on the top of my head, "I love you." He mumbles.

"I love you too." I whisper kissing his chest through his shirt.

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I don't remember falling asleep but I do remember waking up. The loud beeping noise that filled the room shaking me from my vivid dreams. Caspar swinging a little blonde girl around with bright blue eyes as she yells with happiness. A small boy walking with me holding my hand as we watch the other two. Smiling up at me he mumbles " there such Rodney's" I nod my head laughing.

Tears fill my eyes as I remember my dream. I'm still swaddled into Caspar's chest as I struggle to get out of his grip. He groans and pulls me closer.

"Caspar." I cry. "Please." His eyes shoot open, unwrapping his arms from around me.

"Hey, What's wrong it's okay. Babe, talk." He speaks quickly sitting us up. My hands rush to my face hiding my tears. Caspar grabs the back of my head and pulls me into a hug. I uncover my face hiding it in his shoulder I wrap my arms around him. A sob breaks out from my throat and i feel his grip tighten around me.

" I feel so empty." I admit, after I finally calm down. He leans back kissing my cheek, looking me in the eyes. "We should go home this isn't good for you to be here." He says to me starting to get off the bed. I grab his hand when he finally untangles from the blanket "You're amazing." I mumble. He smiles down at me. "You are too." He laughs. He drops my hand going to find a nurse.

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"Hi, Joe!" I very chirpy female doctor walks in. "Hi." I mumble out.

"So, I have a pamphlet for you. You don't have to read it, it's just ways to deal with your loss." She says blandly handing me the paper. My lip starts to tremble tears brimming my eyes. Also I need to know if you had a name. For the children." A single tear leaks from my eye, I shake my head. "No, we didn't even know what their genders were." I speak clearing my throat looking down at my legs that are indian style on the bed.

"Oh." She looks down at her clipboard "They were supposed to tell you." My head snaps up to look at her. "They know what they were." I asks, She nods and opens her mouth.

"Can you wait until my boyfriend gets back I want him to be here." she smiles nodding her head. I gra my phone off the stand noticing Caspar's right next to it I huff out in annoyance, I uncross my legs swinging them of the side of the bed. I grab onto the side of the bed pushing my body up. When I finally get to my feet I feel slightly light headed, and a sharp pain shoots thru my lower stomach, making me ache all the way up my back.

"Ouch!" I yell in pain.

"Joe, sit down." Caspar rushes over, pushing the nurse away who was trying to help, he grabs my arm, trying to make me sit down.

"Caspar, I'm fine. I really need the toilet." I say quietly. "Do you need help?" He whispers the nurse watching our interaction. "I'm 24 I think I can handle it myself." I laugh pushing out of his grip. I slowly walk to the bathroom. When I finally make it, I turn around facing Caspar smiling. "Proud of you Buddy." He chuckles sitting on the edge of the bed.

I turn around closing the door. A mirror is hung on the wall in front of me. I take in my reflection my hair messy flopped everywhere my skin pale with dark purple marks under my eyes. I lower my eyes to my dressing gown, my eyes watering from the thought of the scar hiding under the thin cloth. I do my business, avoiding eye contact with my stomach. 


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Walking back into the room I notice caspar looking down at a paper crying. The ultrasound. "Babe." I say quietly. The nurse must have left. He looks up a stray tear running down his cheek. "I'm sorry,Joe." He mumbles once I walk closer to him. "Why, It's not your fault love." I reassure him sitting down next to him as he lowers his head again. "Not that, Sorry, for crying." he sobs. My heart snaps in two. "You're allowed to cry, Caspar." I tell him rubbing my hand down his back he looks over to me, I place my head on his shoulder rubbing his back gently. His shoulders shake as I hold him tears leaking from my eyes as i keep mine closed. There is a knock at the door with a subtle click 

"Sorry for intruding boys." the petite nurse says walking in. Caspar clears his throat  sitting up a little straighter. 

"Joe, I'm sorry but they want you to stay here another day. Dr. Brenthaven personally requested a extra day." I nod at her words slumping my shoulders in defeat. "We also have the genders, If you want them." I nod my head as she hold out a piece of paper. I grab it from her hand looking down at it as she walks out of the room.  

"Do you want to know Cas?" I ask not looking up from the envelope. He nods.  I take in a breath sliding my hand into the envelope. I pull out two different papers. Holding one in front of my face it explains what went wrong and how they handled our children.  The next paper was an ultrasound with two circles around to defined bodies, one word by each circle. 

"male" 

Two boys.  Two smiley little angels.  Caspar puts an arm around me, pulling me into his side. "I love you." He mumbles into my hair sniffling. "I love you too, Casp." I cry. 

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Thank you for reading If you did enjoy it please vote, or comment your favorite part. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please feel free to contact me. Thank you for reading Buh-Bye



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