The Fall

After

October 28 2020

Dad,
Turns out my trip is going to take longer than I thought. Don't worry about me, I'm fine. I'll let you know when I'm coming home.
Love Bella.

I sent the text message without hesitation. I couldn't abandon the Elliot's at a time when they needed me most.
I knew that for definite.

I tossed and turned like I did every night, sleeping in Finn's bed made me think about him constantly. Constantly bringing back painful and wonderful memories. His bed sheets still smelt of him. The room still looked like it did before. Four white walls, a brown bed and a cream carpet. It was simple.
Anne had boxed all of his belongings during her sleepless nights, crates of his things were stuffed under my bed.  Unappreciated. Forgotten.
The memories still lurked in the air despite all the efforts to kill them.

I switched on the brown night lamp, letting a yellow glow buzz through the room. I couldn't sleep.
I kept thinking about Finn and the rest of the Elliot's. Guilt enveloped me, surrounding me in regret.

Why did I come here?
Why did my heart pull me to this place?

I have only made things worse. If I had left them they would have been happier. They would have just thought their son didn't want to see them. At least then they didn't have to spend the rest of their days mourning over him and his loss of happiness which caused him to commit suicide.

I pulled back the bed sheets, climbed out of bed slowly, trying not to wake any of the Elliot's.
I sat on the carpeted floor, pulling out one of the crates.

I smiled looking through Finn's old school books: f&B which was written on his old maths book. The pen he had leant me in maths class was in the box, I recognised the fine black nib and Finn's name which was engraved in gold on the pen.

I fumbled through the box carefully, looking at old certificates and t-shirts until I came across a book. The book was brown, a gold bookmark was wedged between the pages.

I opened the book carefully, reading the front page slowly, wanting to take in the last parts of Finn.  I opened the next page, a piece of paper fell out.

13/09/1999

For Bella,

Whoever is reading this I want you to give this to Isabelle Hunter.

Finn wanted me to have it.
He wanted me to have his diary.

I flicked through the pages, wanting to find his latest entry.

14/09/1999

Dear Bella,

I still miss you. Always have, always will.
I wanted to give you my diary, as a leaving present.

A thank you present.

I want you to be the first one to read it. I want you to remember everything. I want you to know how great you made my life and how eternally grateful I am to you.

You brought happiness, love and hope to my life and it doesn't feel right to be without you.

Thank you for turning my life around within the numbered years.

I love you, always.

Finn.

❉ ❥❃ ❂❁❀❉ ❥❃ ❂❁❀❉ ❥❃ ❂❁❀❉

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Thank you,

Louise💋