Brothers #2 [Sequel to Brothers • Brooks Brothers Fanfic]

❄︎ Irreplaceable ❄︎

Word Count: 819

It doesn't really have anything to do with a hug but I hope the chapter is ok ? Xx

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Jai's POV:

The house has been pretty silent during the last few days. Not that I mind. I've been avoiding Luke and Beau since I got back from the hospital, and I can tell that they're a bit confused, but don't ever question it. I have now had three panic attacks. One in hospital which I hadn't told either of my brothers about, one when Luke and I were walking home from the hospital, and one last night before dinner which the boys didn't know about because they weren't in the room at the time.

Luke and I are supposed to be going back to school tomorrow. When I said I wanted to go back as soon as possible so that I could be distracted from mum's death, it was only a half lie. I did need the distraction, but I knew for a fact that school was not going to be one, however it was an escape from the thick tension between us boys. Beau has tried bringing up the subject of mum twice already, but both times I walked out after his first few words, and Luke just looked between the both of us awkwardly.

I know all they really want to talk about is why I've been acting the way I am, but I wasn't ready to tell them that, I don't think I'll ever be ready. And it's not like I know exactly why either, I just get all these thoughts and suddenly I shut the whole world out, including my brothers, without any guilt. This happens pretty much all the time. All I can really do is write in here-

"Jai dinner is here," A voice mumbled from the door and I looked up to see Luke staring at my diary open on my lap. Deciding to finish writing after dinner, I closed the cover and slipped it under my pillow, watching Luke's eyes follow my actions curiously.

I got to my feet and cleared my throat as Luke seemed to be thinking about something. He jumped slightly then left the room, me right behind him. Beau had ordered Chinese for dinner, which I hadn't had in ages so I was grateful. We all sat down in silence, taking our separate boxes and slowly eating. It was completely quiet, with the exception of our munching.

"So. School tomorrow ey?" Beau said, trying to break the obvious tension at the table. 

"Yay," Luke replied sarcastically, while I just made some inhumane grunt sound.

"What's up with you?" Beau asked, looking directly at me as if he thought I would actually tell him. Ha. 

"Wouldn't you like to know," I muttered softly, now shoveling food into my mouth do I could leave. 

"Yes I would like to know actually. You've been moping around ever since we left the hospital, and even in the hospital you were being a dick so what's wrong?" His voice raised considerably at this sentence, and I didn't know whether to snap back at him or curl into a ball. I went with the latter. 

Frowning slightly and biting my lip nervously, I slumped back into my seat, bringing my knees up to my chest without a sound, and burying my face into my arms. Through a gap between my knees, I watched Beau rise from his seat, storming into the kitchen and dropping his dishes into the sink, before walking upstairs without comment. 

"He didn't mean that," Luke tried to defend our older brother, but I could tell that even Luke agreed with Beau's statement. I had cut myself off from the rest of the world ever since the hospital, but I didn't have any intentions to suddenly be normal again. 

How were we supposed to be normal when mum was gone? Nothing could ever be the same, and nothing will ever be the same. Food will never taste the same, because it's not hers. Goodnight kisses on the forehead and tight hugs in the morning would never feel the same, because they're not hers. Not even love, would ever feel the same, because a mother's love is irreplaceable. 

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I was fine until it came to writing that last paragraph, and now I feel like I need to give everyone who has ever lost a mother or father or someone special in their life, the biggest hug I could ever give, because absolutely no one deserves that. And if you have lost someone special in your life, know that there are so many people that love you so so much, including me. I never want any of you to feel lonely or unloved, because you will always have someone who loves you infinitely, even if you don't know it <3 

I love you all xx

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Bella ❄︎