Do It Again

Chapter 39

"It's not me, is it?" Blake sounded heartbroken.

"No, it's not." I never took my eyes off the water.

"Why not?" He turned to me. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, you didn't." I finally looked at him. "That's the problem. Everything about you is perfect. You would be the perfect boyfriend, but I don't need a boyfriend. I already have one. What I need is a friend."

"If everything is perfect, I don't understand the problem."

"You're not the father to this baby or either of my other two."

"No, I'm not." He was getting irritated. "But you know who acted like it when their real fathers didn't want anything to do with them? Me."

"Blake, please don't start this."

"Not every child lives with their real dad. They have stepfathers because the real father didn't work out."

"I'm not throwing away what I have with Rocky for no reason! He is a perfectly good father and my boyfriend. He doesn't deserve to get kicked out for nothing."

"But I do?" Blake got in my face.

"No! You don't deserve it either, but I can't have two boyfriends. It doesn't work like that."

"Then choose me." He took my hand. "Love me. Be with me. I'll be there for you. I haven't left your side once and I never planned on it."

"Then you should understand." I looked at the sand behind him. "I need a friend. I need you to be that friend."

He dropped my hand and took a step back. "I don't know if I can be that friend anymore."

"What are you saying?" His words made it hard to breathe.

"I'm saying I want more than a friendship. This isn't enough."

"Blake." I tried to stop him from walking away. "You can't leave me like this. I need you."

"That's the problem. We need each other in a different way." He turned and started back toward Rocky.

I took a deep breath before I followed. If I went up to Rocky crying, he would tear Blake apart right here and now.

I wiped my eyes and started up. Blake was talking to Rocky.

"Yeah, that's fine." Rocky stood up and looked at me. "You ready to go?" He asked me.

"Yeah, why? Do you need to go?" I was confused.

"No. Blake needs to get home. Apparently his moms sick." Rocky explained.

I knew it was a lie, but I wasn't going to call him out. Blake wouldn't even look at me.

"We can go." I picked up the twins.

Rocky and Blake seemed buddy buddy now that they surfed together. I didn't like it.

"Maybe we can do this another time." Rocky picked up his surf board. "Except next time we'll have someone here to judge who's better."

"It's gonna be me." Blake laughed. "It was me today, it will be me next time."

I started walking faster to the truck. Maybe if I walked faster we could get home faster.

It didn't work.

We got to the truck and I buckled in the twins, then climbed in between their seats. I didn't want to sit by Blake.

I kept looking over my shoulder at the back of the truck where Rocky and Blake were taking off their wetsuits. I made myself look away. I couldn't keep pulling myself toward Blake. When they finally got in the truck, neither of them seemed to notice I sat in the back.