Angel

chapter 1

Ever since I was little I felt as if I was different. I knew I never had the correct emotions. At birthday parties I'd just sit there and watch all the other kids play and have a great time, while I just sat there watching. I had this feeling in my soul, or heart, whatever you want to call it. I could never shake it. As I got older, it got worse. I basically alienated myself from all of my class mates in school. I never introduced myself did I? Well, I'm Angel, yes my parents named me Angel. I don't know why. I've never been anything like an angel. My parents are divorced and my father is gone; no one can find him. I always feel like it was my fault they had to go through everything because I was an accident. That's the only reason they ever got hitched. Everyone around me would be way happier if I was never thought of; I get told it all the time. School mates or sometimes my own mom tells me this. When I was in about grade six I found an outlet for all my pain kind of, I started cutting.

(author note: this story may be triggering)

"Why the fuck can't you do anything right, angel?" my mom screamed while I picked up the bottle of pills I knocked off the counter which had somehow managed to spill everywhere; just my luck.

"I didn't mean to! I'm really sorry!" I said as my tears seemed to fight their way down my cheeks. "Damn it. Crying, why am I crying!? It never helps anything..." My thoughts keep swirling through my head. Mom finally calmed down, went to the living room and switched on the TV. The faint laughter on the TV makes me sick. "Why can't I have normal feelings and just be a normal kid?" I think as I scoop up the last of the pills. I read the bottle and it says they're some kind of sleeping pills. Without thinking, I quickly slide them into my pocket. Mom won't miss them, they've been sitting there for years. My conscience keeps telling me to put them back, but I scurry to my room and lock the door behind me. My bed lies perfectly untouched in the corner of the room, it's the only thing that knows me for me, I've cried myself to sleep on it way too many times. It's seen me at my darkest of hours, it's the only one who knows about the scars on my wrists. It's the only thing I'll trust with my secrets.

"Angel!"

"What?" I respond to my mother's shout with annoyance, music blasting to hide the choked sound of my crying.

"We're moving." she yelled back and opened my bedroom door without even knocking.

"What?! Where?!" I asked. Why would we be moving? I'm in the Middle of the school year.

"Your uncle Tom wants you to go live with him and Susan. They think it would be better for you, heaven knows why, and I think I should get a break from being a parent.", she said favoring the last part of the sentence "and I think I should get a break from being a parent." that was the key to it. She just doesn't want me anymore ... I'm unneeded. Who gives their daughter to the next Tom, dick, or Harry that shows up?! Apparenty my mom. I just feel sick. Why would she do this.

The car ride to their house was long. I dreaded it the whole way. Maybe I'd like it. What if it'll turns out they'll be like mom? So many ifs, ors, and buts...

"We're here.", mom said from the drivers seat, which I was sitting in the back; I couldn't even look at her. I'm so ashamed that she's my mother. I hope I'm not going to be a mother like her. I look out the window to see a small townhouse one story with an attic, I hope I get the attic. I don't know if that's considered a two story house or not. There was no more than two feet inbetween it and the house beside it on each side. "time to get out." mom says and I realized I had just been sitting there. I got out and shut the door overly hard just for effects, I didn't even say goodbye. She honked and drove away. The drizzle of rain seemed to calm me. I watched her tail lights drift off farther and farther away.

"Hey, sweetie! It's been so long since I have seen you!", a lady I'm guessing was my aunt Susan said and gave me a huge hug and a peck on the cheek. She was older, slightly chunky, aged looking, but the only thing that hadn't aged were her eyes, they were green and looked like they were the eyes of a younger woman. They didn't fit. "Tom! Come out here. Angel's here!"

"Coming!" I hear a man's voice come from inside the house and see the screen door open. A tall muscled looking old man who has grayish brown hair walks out. He comes and stands beside Susan who, was smiling at me. "how yuh been kiddo?" he asks while giving me a huge hug that almost picked me up off the ground. "Do you remember us at all? You were so little when I first saw you!" I just sort of laughed awkwardly in a response because the closeness of others makes me really uncomfortable.

"Alright sweetie, let's go inside and have a nice warm cup of hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies if you like." Susan said with a smile I only thought grandmothers had in movies.

"My favorite!" I said, I'm not going to stay sad and gloomy, this could be a new beginning. We walked in and sat at an older styled kitchen, And she handed me the some hot chocolate and a few cookies from the cookie sheet. The awkward silence felt like it was burning into me. " So, where will I be sleeping?" I asked only to break the silence.

"We are short on room that in which I'm sorry for, but I hope you like it." Susan says apologetically.

"Perfect. I was hoping to get an attic room anyways." I said slightly more enthusiastic about the deal.

"good! You can walk around and explore if you'd like" she said jutting her thumb back towards the hallway. I instinctively got up with that gesture and picked up my luggage. I slowly stalked down the hallway. You know that feeling where you whisper even though you're the only one there? For some reason this house gave me that feeling. I walked on down the hallway until I came to the stairs, I'm guessing this is my stop. I walked up the stairs and touched the door knob. For some reason it's so cold. It was unreasonably cold, come to think of it. Maybe there's a draft. That could impose an issue tonight, but oh well. Beggers can't be choosers. I turn the knob and the Door slowly creaks open. Brilliant light poured out on me. It was a beautiful room. Oak floors still polished and shiny under the thin layer of dust. A window seat, and everything!