Phan- You and Me (completed)

Chapter 6: My ashtray heart

Phil's POV

To be honest: I didn't know what to expect. A throb in my temples created a screaming headache. I felt a desperate need for a sip of water, because my tounge sticked unpleasant to the inside of my left cheek. My eyes were dried out to the level where every blink burned like a gulp of hot tea. Yet here I was, waterless and screamed at by my best friend. Here I was, waiting for Dan to explain his last sentence to me. I was blind? Blinded? Whatever came next, I surely was not ready. Little did I know that the following thing was something I would have never felt ready for. Little did I know it was something that made the place, the place in my mind I never visited,tingle.

"I'm in love with you, you fool!"

A lightning stroke was nothing compared to the feeling that darted into my heart. I could actually feel it having an impact in my thorax, and sinking slowly in my guts. The forgotten place in my mind knocked violently on the border to awareness.

"So here you go, my greatest secret. You are my everything, you've always been and I'm the grandest idiot on earth for ruining our excellent friendship for a bunch of terrible terrible wonderful feelings of affection" Dan could not fool me with his sarcastic and defensive manner. His mouth might try to act cool and distant, but his brown eyes were begging me to react. And I? I was overwhelmed. So many things had been going on that day, my head quit functionation due to overload. Sorry, we're closed, try again tomorrow. And as the rationality left the command centre, my feelings took the lead. "So, that's it" I heard Dan say over my heartbeat. "I guess I'll be going now, because you don't want to spend another second with a weirdo like me-"

"No!" I heard myself say. Dan was already ready to leave and turned to me in slow motion. His distant expression crumbled a little bit, showing a spark of ...hope? I knew exactly what he was hoping for and I couldn't tell whether his hopes were going to be destroyed or fullfilled. I came to the point where I was far beyond confusion and the only thing I could be sure about that I wasn't sure about anything. Love was such a big word....was I....loving....Dan? How does it feel again? Was this what it feels like? How would I, a cripple in matters of romatic relationship, know? Something tried to push itself into my awareness, yet I could not put my finger on it. I realized I was spacing out, while Dan was looking at me, expecting me to say something. Well Phil.....say something.

"Dan" Okay, that was lame. But it felt like the only right thing to say for my terrible dehydrated empty mind. I noticed there were tear remains on my glasses, blurring my vision. Still I could see Dan's eyessparkeling a little bit. I aroused hopes....hopes that I could.....fulfill?  "Sorry, Phil" that was barely a whisper. What was he appologizing for again? Oh, right, screaming....lots of negative feelings....confessions... My mind was close to exploding. My feelings merged together in a big bulk where nothing made sense. And while my thinking me was distracted, my body took the lead. It all happened so fast. Before I could hear myself think, I pulled him closer to me. My hands came to rest on his arms. I could feelgoosebums on his warm skin. He was eager. And so was I. The forgotten place in my mind tickled. There was still too much distance, I felt the urge to minimize it, to lean in and-

Addicted to Dans closeness,I pressed my lips awkwardly against his. That was....unexpected.

Inone fell swoop my mind started working again. Not just working, more like racing. My senses sharpened instantly. My ears witnessed Mary softly crying and the rain beating on the roof. My eyes saw my best friends face closer than ever before. My nose smelled a strong mixture of black tea and chocolate and something that was simply Dan. My tongue tasted a fair notion of what Dan's lips probably tastedlike, as far as I could note it through my half closed lips. And last but not least I could feel the heartbeat of my best friend pulse through his lips. It was so fast, I felt like hearing it throb in his ripcage. Unfortuanally along with my senses, my mind came back as well...and it noticed that this was a terrible idea. Like, what are you doing Phil Lester?!