❝ MILES APART ❞

☼ twenty nine ☼

calum; 2:03 AM
luke; 2:03 PM

calum;

calum spends most of his days typing long texts for luke, pouring his heart out in them, but he never sends them. he spends most of his days ignoring michael's cold gaze and hiding away under his sheets, looking at old photos of him and luke, of luke.

he's jealous of the moon, because he knows all of luke's secrets. and of his sheets, who get to touch every part of him as he falls asleep, while calum keeps a close eye on his pillow waiting for luke's weight to keep it warm. but the sun; he's the luckiest of them all. he gets to see luke when he's half asleep, groggy and painfully unaware of how beautiful he looks.

he hasn't been sleeping much, but he has been dreaming a lot and he's starting to think luke is the reason for both. oh how he'd love to crawl in bed beside luke and have his heart sing him to sleep, to wrap his arms around luke's waist and hide away in his neck.

it's two in the morning and he took seventeen shots of vodka just trying to forget luke's name, the softness of his voice, the color of his eyes, but the only name he forgot was his own and sober or drunk, luke is the only thing on his mind.

the sweetest escape he can imagine is luke's lips pressed against his own and even though they only kiss in his dreams, it's one of the best moments of his entire life.

he's been replaying their last conversation in his head, thinking of what to do but not so sure.

it's too late.

☼ ☼ ☼

luke;

it's mid-september when luke stops waiting for calum. in october, luke unblocks him. it is now november, and luke loves him even more than he did three months ago – if that's any possible. and deep down, there's still a little hope that calum will come back.

the blonde boy lays on his bed, his face buried into his pillow as he cries and cries. calum's face is burned into his eyes, and it's a memory that he's trying to erase. but as much as he tries, he can't forget how wonderful and warm and beautiful their love was and is. he thinks about calum whenever he brushes his teeth, when he gets his coffee in the morning.

these past months, loving calum has been the loneliest thing he has ever done. he looks for him everywhere. in anything and everything. the letters of his name, the colors of his eyes. he is always trying to pull together pieces of him. trying to make him real, trying to make him here. he is always trying to find him, as if calum may come back if he does.

to love calum is to breathe, even when the weight of a thousand wars have moved their fight inside his chest.

when calum left, luke suddenly lost feeling. his worlds crashed and collided like a ship being swallowed by waves. he could no longer feel emotions, he could no longer feel the need to feel anything. he has became a lost soul, looking for something or someone to hold on to.

but still, he can't stop feeling like all of this is his fault. maybe is he wasn't so insecure, so possessive. maybe if he stopped worrying about everything every two seconds. maybe if he was a little prettier. maybe that way calum wouldn't have cheated on him.

the thought of calum with someone else – with a girl – makes him cry harder, and he clutches the pillow tighter to his chest as he sobs and chokes on his own tears. at first, when someone would mention calum's name, luke's face would hurt from smiling so hard. now, when someone mentions his name, his heart hurts from enduring all this pain.

does she makes his heart faster than he can? does she gives him all that he hopes for? he just hopes it makes calum feel good knowing how much luke adores him. he hopes one day calum realizes what they had and screams his lungs dry.

but it's time he accepts it and moves on.

calum is never coming back.

☼ ☼ ☼

last chapter before epilogue D:

i love u guys :D

– soph