Follow The Rain

Prologue

When I imagined pain, I thought of the temporary sting that follows a scrape of the skin. There for a moment, then gone as if it never happened. When I imagined my future, I expected happiness and carefree days that come with salty hair and sandy laughs and singing the whole car ride home.

What I didn't know, was that pain never goes away. It stays as a dull ache in the back of your head, constantly throbbing, reminding you each day of what took away your joy. Your carefree becomes caring too much; salty hair becomes knotted from lack of sleep. Your laughs will fade to nothing and there is silence where your voice once filled the air.

Maybe that's why I hadn't noticed my sister's pain until it was too late.

During the New Year, my sister and I spent our days under the sun, our backs to the sky and our toes in the water, talking about our futures. I wanted to study; Camryn wanted to travel overseas, leave the city life and explore the English country side.

We were twins, but we couldn't have been more different. Our passions bordered on polar opposite and we never seemed to stop arguing. But somehow amidst the chaos of insults and hair pulling and rude remarks, we were best friends. We could spend hours together, swimming and running across the beach, or we could spend time with our own friends and not talk for a whole day. It didn't matter because we always remained close.

It was a warm evening in January and Camryn had gone out with friends to the local restaurant called De Ja Vû. That was our favourite place to go, situated on the beach front. My parents and I were home eating dinner, a fairly mediocre Friday night. But as much as I would've loved to be with my friends, I also enjoyed curling up with a good book and falling asleep at 1:00am. That was my plan; a stress free evening.

"Kayla, won't you please pass the salad?" my mom asked, putting down her fork.

"Sure."

"Did you hear in the news about that boy?" I watched as my mom poured wine for her and my dad, making sure the glasses were less than half full. She tucked a strand of brown hair behind her ear and sipped from her glass before returning to the meal.

"Yes, it's awful, isn't it? I can't imagine having a child that would want to do that," my dad replied through a mouthful of spaghetti.

"Do what?" I asked quickly, shifting my gaze from the pasta twirled around my fork to my parents' faces across the table. My mom sighed and put down her glass.

"Unfortunately, one of the youth downtown have, well-"my mom paused.

"Committed suicide," my dad continued. An awkward silence fell upon the room with just the sound of my dad's chewing. I glanced between them.

"Well, that's sad." I continued twirling my fork then shoved it in my mouth. The silence was followed by the telephone ringing rather loudly, but both my mom and dad ignored it. I started to stand when my mom shook her head.

"Dinner is uninterrupted."

I raised my eyebrows then sat back down and scooped myself a serving of salad. The evening continued and I wished that Camryn were there to keep me company, instead of having to listen about accounting and my mom's new hobby of gardening.

I sat quietly, sipping my water and counting the minutes on the clock until I could be excused.

"Kayla, are you ready for school coming up?" my dad asked.

I shrugged. "I guess."

He smiled and nodded. "Grade 12. It's a big one."

"I know. I've already started preparing myself for the workload."

He laughed then turned to my mom. "More wine?"

I started clearing the plates from the table, my parents continuing their conversation about types of herbs my mom should plant.

"I'm going to read my book," I stated, thinking of taking a cup of tea with me. I stood up and headed towards the kitchen, taking the plates with me to the sink. I heard my parents talking about me from the next room and switched on the kettle.

I was preparing to journey to my room with my tea when the phone rang. I answered it, grateful for the distraction it gave to my parents. I heard their conversation taper off as I picked up.

"Yes."

"Kayla? It's Jess! Oh, thank goodness, I've been trying to get hold of you. I phoned earlier twice and no one answered and you didn't pick up your cell and I was so worried you have no idea-"

"Cut to the point, Jess." Jess was one of Camryn's friends that she was meeting at the restaurant. She was sweet and friendly but had a bad habit of rambling on for too long.

"Something's wrong and it's horrible. You should get down here. It's awful and I'm so sorry." For the first time I noticed she was breathless and it sounded like she had been crying.

"What? What happened?"

She took a deep breath. "It's Camryn. She is, well-" I began to grow nervous. "-how do I say this? Camryn isn't, well she is, well I can't say this-" There was a great deal of noise on the other side of the phone and I frowned.

"Jess?"

There's been an incident," came the voice of Camryn's other friend, Robin. "I'm sorry, but Camryn's body was found. She's been confirmed dead."

"What?" I felt myself go numb. "Is this some kind of joke? Because if it is, it's not a very funny one. How would Camryn feel about this?"

"I'm sorry, I know this is hard to believe, but it's true. We found her in a bathroom cubicle and the police put it down as suicide. There was a half empty bottle of pills next to her. We're as shocked as you are. Just please tell your parents so that we can sort out everything because Jess is having a nervous breakdown."

I heard talking in the background. I knew that I had to pass on the news but my legs stood glued to the kitchen floor as I tried to process the fact that what I heard was true. I didn't notice the phone dropping to the ground as I felt my knees hit the floor.

My thoughts went back to our conversation earlier that evening, to my dad's comment about suicide. I can't imagine having a child that would want to do that. It seemed he wouldn't have to imagine anymore.