Follow The Rain

Twenty One

There was one thing I remembered that Camryn always used to say. "Don't hold back when it's your own life on the line." It's ironic really, how such a conventional phrase could eventually apply to her literal life. How she could've held back but she didn't, she went all out. She ended it.

In August, I decided that I would no longer hold back - in a literary sense. I was tired of living in my own boundaries I'd created for myself without realising it. I would no longer feel sorry for myself. No, it's never been in my nature. Camryn's death changed many things, including me but I didn't want her to rule my life anymore. I wanted to live for me and that meant moving on.

It was harder than it seemed and it had sounded pretty difficult in my mind. It meant that I was constantly aware of how I felt, how I acted and how I treated other people. There's nothing like trying to be yourself after being someone else for so long. Even so, I was still different than before. I was blind, I had new knowledge, new experiences. I suppose that's the cost of change.

"Why can't I get this right?"

"You'll get there."

"But why is life is so difficult?"

"Kayla, it's just a bra," replied Chloe sternly but I could hear she wanted to laugh. I gripped the material tightly around my back, trying to connect the clasps. "I still can't believe you've been wearing sports bras for over half a year."

"It's called comfort, Chloe," I said, sighing in frustration. I ripped the bra off me and threw it onto the changing room floor. "I still can't believe you convinced me to go underwear shopping."

"It's called being a good friend," she answered from behind the door. "Now do you need any help in there?"

"No, thank you very much." I decided to clasp the next item before putting it on over my head.

"Well I'm coming in anyway."

I adjusted the material so that it wasn't irritating me and hoped it was on properly. Chloe said nothing and I felt uncomfortable being watched, no matter how close friends we were. "Well? If you're going to say something rude just say it," I said.

"No. It looks good. And it's on the right way round this time," she laughed.

"Really?"

"Just wait till Matthew sees you in this," Chloe couldn't help but say.

"Chloe," I protested. "You know I'm not into that."

"Whatever. We'll get you a swimsuit then, it's nearing summer again. You're so lucky you're already bikini body ready."

"Chloe, you're gorgeous," I said, irritated at her complaint but also surprised to know that I looked okay. I trusted her opinion.

"You haven't seen how much weight I've gained," she grumbled, helping me into my own clothes as we readied to leave the changing room.

"Jordan doesn't seem to mind."

"He's an idiot."

"As sure as I'm blind."

After I purchased my items, we continued to the next store where Chloe found the 'perfect bikini for her perfect friend' and loudly proclaimed her discovery. For once I was glad to be blind so that I couldn't see the weird looks that I often received from strangers passing my crazy friend and I. The swimsuit was black, high-waisted and laced on the waistband. I couldn't tell if it looked nice, but it felt good all the same.