Follow The Rain

Twenty Six

As slowly as the air escaped my lungs, I felt my conscience begin to fade. The depths were swallowing me, the current digesting me in its strong grip. There was no sound, just water rushing past and still into my throat. I was finally going, finally disappearing, finally disintegrating. I was finally dying.

My relief was short-lived when my hand was grasped under the water. I tried to shout or scream, to do anything in protest, but to my dismay the pressure in my ears was growing less and less. I was being dragged to the surface of the wave, lungs still burning, panic-stricken, wondering will it ever end? The air met me like a cold betrayal, the wind laughing at me, mocking me, saying you thought you could escape.

Another hand held the back of my neck as I choked and spluttered on seawater, gasping as my lungs fought for oxygen. No. This was not meant to happen. No. I resisted Matthew's hold but he wouldn't let go. Why won't he let go? The ocean roared around me and the wind replied, because you can't escape this world.

No. I wanted to die.

I wanted to die.

By then, I was too weak to register what was happening, but I knew full well one fact: I was alive. This wasn't a dream, no. It was real and I wasn't leaving, I wasn't escaping, not now, not ever, for certain. "Please," I cried. "I just want it to end."

"Kayla," I heard his voice. Gentle but scared and angry and breathless.

"I wanted to die, I wanted to die! Why would you save me? Why would you make me live? I just want to leave. Why? Why would you do this? Why would you save me? Why would you save..." I felt his heartbeat. It was racing. The night air chilled my tears and I shivered. "Why..."

"Because I love you."

I felt his strong grip. My head gave off a dull ache and it all came rushing back. "No, you don't love me. What do you know about love?" Keep fighting. Make him let go. "You tore me apart, Matthew." Harder. I kicked at him and tried to wrench away. Harder. I forced myself away from him. "And still you have nothing to say about it. Nothing!"

He stayed silent but I heard his heavy breathing as he dragged me further still, back to shore, back to 'safety'.

I was done. "You can't do this to me. After all you've already done. Just let go, Matthew."

"No."

"Let go."

"No."

I propelled myself back below the water, sliding out of his arms and blowing out all the air in my mouth. He returned his grip but didn't get me to the shore before I fell unconscious from lack of oxygen.

Silence.

That's all I could hear.

Silence.

But strangely serene and almost...comforting.

Like it was wrapping its emptiness around me but at the same time making me feel whole.

A silence I'd never felt before.

A silence that warmed my heart but at the same time made it feel broken. Reminding me of something. Of a memory, a distant memory-

a distant person.

I heard a sound. Quieter than a whisper, breaking the silence. In fact, it grew louder. Soft but loud. Gently calling to me. Why was it calling to me? Sweet and familiar. With overwhelming recognition. And love.