Follow The Rain

Eight

The waves crashed loudly against the rocks as I dug my toes into the damp sand. The salty spray flew in my face and my hair whipped up in the wind. The air tasted of salt and I inhaled it deeply, reminding myself of the serenity the ocean holds.

Camryn and I had always loved to swim and run on the beach. We'd spend hours surfing, or walking along the wide expanse of sand when it was cooler. The ocean was a place I could find calm and clear my head but now, it did nothing to help my troubled thoughts.

My mom sat beside me on the sand. I expected she was staring at the sea, watching each wave wash over the shore repeatedly. The blue-green water would sparkle in the evening sun, seeming aglow below the slowly setting sun. And the waves would almost stop and listen for a minute to the quiet of the night. And maybe I would be there, too, watching wordlessly as time passed and the world turned.

"How do you do it?" she asked, breaking the silence. Her throat was tight; I recognised the warning of tears. "How do you survive?"

A sudden breeze caught the collar of my jacket and the cold seeped inside to my neck. A shiver vibrated through me. I dug my toes deeper into the cool sand and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "I don't."

There was a silence and I thought my mom wasn't going to speak again. Then I felt her closer to me than before. "Kayla, I'm sorry. For everything."

I'd always kept my guard up around my mom. I'd built up walls that only my friends could see past, but I wasn't close to my mom and I never had been. Now, though, I felt those walls crumble into dust as my mom came in to hug me. I was tired of putting up a front and pretending I was strong, because I sure as hell wasn't. I needed my mom and I knew she needed me.

"Me too," I said, hugging her back.

"You know, Camryn didn't want this," my mom said quietly and I almost didn't hear her over the roar of the waves. "She wanted us to be happy."

"Correction. She wanted to be happy. That's why she left us here to rot."

"Maybe we should focus less on the pain and more on the recovery." She tightened her arm around me as a cold breeze started. "We should get back soon."

"No," I whispered. "I like it here."

As much as I wished I could watch the sunset and the ocean before my eyes, I wasn't going to ruin one of my favourite places just because one of my senses was gone. I could still hear the splashing of water and birds calling. I could feel the sand between my toes and in my hair. I could taste the salt in the air. I could still enjoy the ocean even without my sight.

"I read her diary."

My head snapped to my left as soon as the words left my mom's mouth. "You did what?!"

"Why are you so surprised, Kayla? Don't I deserve to know the truth?"

"I'm - I mean - I guess so."

My mom fell silent and I knew that the conversation was over.

We sat for a while longer; my head resting on my knees and my feet sinking deeper into the sand. Despite the cold of it, the softness of the sand consoled me. Then, when the air was too cold to remain still any longer and I was certain the sun had set past the horizon, my mom helped me up and we walked back home. We walked slowly, mostly because I wasn't used to moving around much and was still getting used to the idea of a walking stick.

As we neared home, I felt droplets on my face and recognised the smell of rain. I smiled and blinked away water that had landed on my eyelashes. Rainy days were my favourite and it was the first of the year. I lifted up a hand, letting the drops brush past my fingers and onto my palm. Our house was only three blocks away from the beach, situated on the corner of the cluster of properties.