My Name is Insecurity

Back to School

Most people think that I am fine with the bullying, mainly because I have never said anything about it. I guess they all think I am weak. And I guess that my mindset has changed today. I wont let anyone get to me. I'm going to change starting today.

Nobody can drag me down.

Im in the school bus, waiting to reach school. always feel bad for the driver, because they have to deal with a lot of chaos. I would never agree to a job like this. My spot on the bus is in the back, a place where people tend to ignore. Most of them like the middle, because they can be near more people. I would think that they like the back more, because in movies that's the "cool spot," but maybe they don't sit there because that means they have to be near me. But if they're popular, why don't they tell me to move?

I always wonder why people bully me. I have never understood. Do those people just want power over such an innocent person?

Do they really think I am that weak? Because when Amara was my friend, no one bullied me. They used to silently judge me, but never really bully me. Maybe they were surprised that a girl like Amara was my friend.

My thoughts get disturbed when some guy that sits a couple rows ahead of me starts pushing me. "Get out of this seat!" he yells.

"Why? I always sit here."

"Oh, you wanna talk back to Sean? No one talk back to Sean!"

"Um, no, I don't want to. But I have always sat here. Don't you sit like five seats ahead of me?"

"Whatever Sean wants, Sean gets!"

I don't know why, but I have this feeling inside me, a good one. So the word that comes out of my mouth next surprises not only everyone, but also me.

       "No."

"What did you just say?"

"Are you deaf? I said no." he has this shocked look on his face. I probably have one too, because last week, I would have moved. Today, I am standing up for myself.

"AMARA!" Sean hollers.

Amara. Wait. Amara? Why is Amara in this fight? How does he know her? It is probably another Amara, right? I mean, this is a huge high school.

"Yes, Sean?" Amara asks. Oh no. Definitely the same person, but different Amara. She has changed so much! What happened to her innocent self? She is wearing booty shorts, a bra (is there even a dress code here?) and pounds of eyeliner, lipstick, and blush. Not to mention, she has super long manicured nails. And long blonde hair with pink highlights! And really high high heels! I look at what I am wearing: Converse, skinny jeans, and a plain grey sweater. And my hair is in a messy ponytail.

Amara looks at me. "Kacey?" She has a disgusted look on her face. "What are you doing here?"

"Um... driving to school... like the rest of you?"

"Get out of here, Kacey. Don't you dare not listen to Sean."

"You know him? How do you know him?" I am really worried now.

"Sean is my boyfriend," Amara says proudly.