My Name is Insecurity

I Wish

          I reach school, still thinking about what happened on the bus. Is it possible? What if...

          No.

          I can't let my what if's take me to a place that will never exist. I snap back to reality.  But seriously, though. Brandon is in my English honors class, but I guess I never really cared enough to notice. I will study him today. If I catch him staring at me today, then it has to mean something. Except why would a guy like him like a girl like me?

          "Uh, get out of our way," Astrid scoffs.

          "Why should I get out of your way? As you can see, you are in my way." I shouldn't have said that, right? 

          "Excuse me?" Astrid must be shocked, but she is really good at hiding it.

          "Yeah, it does stink a little over here. I wasn't sure if that smell was coming from your locker or you." I feel so light, so free.

          "What?! Nice try, Kacey. But you will never top me," she replies. 

          Some other people have stopped by to see what all this arguing is about. A few months ago, I would have walked away. I would have ignored it. But now, I have changed. I want some respect for myself. I can imagine myself as popular. I love it. But I don't want that, I realize. All I want is some respect and a couple good friends. I have tried all my life, but never got it. I still don't understand what I have done to anyone.

          "What is your problem?!" I shout back. "Why me? Why do all of you always go against me?! What have I ever done? Do you think I am weak? Because if you think so, let me tell you something. I am not! Just stop! Stop it!" I hear some people laughing, but I don't care. I wish this was all a dream. That this wasn't happening to me. That I wasn't-

          That I wasn't alive.