My Name is Insecurity

My Getaway From Reality

          Everyone has their own spot. Wether it be in their mind, in a diary, it the corner of a closet, it is a special place where a person can feel comfortable and be theirselves. Even for people who have so many friends.

My spot is my laptop. For me, it is the most reliable spot because nobody else can see what I write about, what I think about, or what I do. I notice the date on my laptop and sigh. Today is October 30th. This is the day where I lost my first and last best friend. I remember it all.

"Hey, Kacey, are you going to the Halloween party tomorrow?"
"No. I don't want to, Amara."
"Why?"
"Don't you know? I don't believe in Halloween. I think it is a day when people hide themselves from the world, where they act like someone who they aren't."
"Look, Kacey, I know that you believe very strongly about this stuff, but can't you do something for me just this once? It's only a party."
"Amara, we are best friends. Why don't you skip the party for me?"
"Uh, because I always do stuff for you, that's why!"
"Fine. If you don't want to listen to me, then go off and have fun without me!"
"Fine! You know what, Kacey?"
"What, Amara?"
"I'm done protecting you. Because of you, I get dragged down. Because of you, people think I'm weird. Because of you I have no other friends!"
"Fine, if you don't like me, then you don't have to be my friend anymore. I'm okay with that."
"Fine!"
"Yeah."
"Bye, Kacey."
I spent the rest of the night crying in my room. It happened in seventh grade. I lost my best friend, Amara Wilson. I just realized that I lost her myself. I lost her because I was so selfish.

Amara was friends with me to keep me happy. She stopped being friends with other people for me. I guess I deserved her dumping me. Not that she dumped me. I dumped her the day I became friends with her. I ruined her life. I think she goes to my high school, but we never speak to each other. I feel so bad. I never realized what I did. Who I lost. I didn't just loose her, I lost a part of me on that day too.