Fixate on the frailty

We're Finding Hope In The Hopeless

I am still their voice that gets stuck in your head. I am me

Raven POV
The month of January is hard for me. It would've been Andrew's birthday on the 19th. Sophie usually stays with me or makes me stay with her and Endymion so I don't hurt myself. But, this time, I'm too busy preparing to move to Cali to pay attention to the days. The only thing I'm aware of is that one more day of preparing means one day closer to being with Chris. He's still on tour and we Skype practically every night. Sophie finds it simply adorable and gushes over our relationship. Sophie and Endymion have found a house in the cutest little neighbourhood and I'm going to rent not far from them. Endymion will transfer his job over there, he's a bouncer at a club and the owner happens to own one in Cali that he can work at. I will work part time at the club with Soph and at a tattoo shop the rest of the time. Endymion makes enough money that he insists on paying for my stuff, but, now he won't have to, I hate being a charity case to people.

Today, Sophie and Endymion are going to be busy so, I have the rest of their house to myself. Sylvester, who goes with me during these times, is curled up on a chair in the sun. I decide to watch a movie, I walk into their living room and pull out Sweeney Todd. I go make myself some popcorn and grab some chocolate from Sophie's stash. I tap my fingers impatiently as the popcorn cooks. Lately, it seems like I'm always impatient. I want to see Chris, I want to get out of this city which has haunted me for so long, I want to be fucking happy. I want to be loved. I want to heal, I want to be comfortable showing myself off without worrying about what people think when they see my scars.
The microwave brings me out if my thoughts and I grab the bag and head into the living room, starting the movie and letting my thoughts drift away to Fleet Street where a demonic barber and his love-sick colleague and friend were.
After the movie was over, Endymion and Sophie joined me, Soph looked a little out if it and Endymion was watching her closely. She collapsed on the couch and cuddled up next to me.
"Raven, I'm tired," she says quietly.
I chuckle, "I'm Raven, nice to meet you, Tired."
She scowls, "Fuck you." She puts her head on my shoulder and curls my hair around her fingers.
I'm watching the credits, not wanting to get up because Soph was warm and I was tired as well. End must've saw this, because he winks and puts in another movie. Alice In Wonderland, one of my favourites because sometimes I feel like Alice, trying to make sense of the world, asking myself, what is up? What is down? Am I real? Or am I dreaming forever in an undisturbed slumber, if I wake up I will still be with Andrew and my heart will still be aching.
I pull out my phone, I need to text Chris before my thoughts destroy me further.
"Hey, Chris."
His reply was instant, letting me know that he wasn't busy, "Hi, Raven, what's up?"
I bite my lip, contemplating whether I should tell him. I peek over at Soph, she fell asleep with her head in my lap. "My thoughts..."
"Raven, what is it? Tell me."
"January is the month of heartache for me."
"Does it have something to do with your past?"
"Yes."
"Does Sophie and Endymion know?"
"Yes, sir."
"Raven, listen to me, I want to talk to you about this in person, so for now, I will tell you that I want you to be safe, whatever's on your mind you need to share. I know you well enough now that those thoughts aren't going to leave your head, you're going to forever think and obsess about them before it becomes too much. I really like you, Raven and I don't want anything to happen to you."
"Thanks, Chris."
"I have to go and work on the set before the show. Ttyl."
I smile to myself and watch Alice fight her own personal demons with the Red Queen and the Mad Hatter...