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Chapter 15

January 27th, 2019- 2 years ago

(4 Months Later)

I feel a stabbing in my heart, but it's not pain strangely enough. Usually, when people say they have a stabbing in their heart, it's pain or involves tears. Mine doesn't, but it sure is an unordinary feeling. Bubbly is what I would describe it, but now that I think about it, it's quite indescribable.

It's been four months since Harry was told everything about my behavior and when I sent the letter explaining a little about what had been going on, dismissing most of the part of his questions of my actions. The letters continued to be sent from each one of us, never ceasing to stop. We never spoke about what had happened months ago, with my partying and all, but I had a feeling once Harry came back from his tour, he would bring it up and I was terribly afraid of that conversation.

We both have seemed to get closer, even though Harry wasn't here in New York physically. He was with me through his letters, and I seemed to get to know him more. The terribly, horrible, nerve-wracking thing was we were getting impossibly closer, I could tell, and I told Harry I didn't want anything more than it already was.

I knew what was going to happen, but it already has started. I was falling for Harry Styles, and my dumb self thought he would fall in love with me. But, nope, it was the other way around. I realized this the other day while writing to him actually, it kind of just sparked upon me.

It wasn't a romantic or heart-bursting situation, it wasn't special. I had just sat on the couch, propping my feet up on the coffee table and relaxing myself in a comfortable position to write to Harry. The TV has been turned on to the news, where the news reporter was talking about a certain nacho cheese that had gave a child food poisoning at a rodeo.

I didn't care, nor did I watch it very closely. I wasn't a big fan of television, especially watching the damn news. It bored the hell out of me. Cuddling into the barely warm blankets, I had looked out the window noticing that it was lightly snowing. The weather felt it was the North Pole, probably even worse. These past few days it had been below freezing, and I couldn't go outside without having about three oversized coats on my body.

Turning my attention to my lap, I looked at the cheap, red notebook laying there. I opened it to where the first blank sheet was and picked up my small, black pen. The television had once again caught my attention by speaking about the weather, so my gaze turned to it.

There was now a weather person showing the precipitation on a large map of New York, showing very large amounts of snow blobs scattered around New York City. I remember shivering just looking at the map and bringing my blankets closer to my body, trying to get in more heat. My heater was still not working and I still hadn't called the company due to my laziness.

The map had then turned to the world map, and strangely, the weather person had now turned their attention to Asia. Immediately, my thoughts had turned to Harry because he was fighting somewhere in Asia, but the idiot didn't know exactly where. A small smile has appeared onto my face while watching the map, just thinking of Harry, but it slowly disappeared because all the thoughts came back.

Harry was fighting in the war, where God knows what he is seeing and doing. He could get hurt and anything could happen to him. What if he is a different person when he comes back? What happens if he has changed? What if he doesn't want me or like me anymore? Did he even want me or like me? All of these thoughts had ran through my mind and then, I had found myself silently sniffling with wet cheeks.

I cared about Harry, and still do. I will always care about Harry either on my mind all the time, or somewhere in the smallest part of the back of my brain. With all the worrying I was doing and with all the tears, something had hit me as I first wrote the words 'Dear Harry,' on the wet, lined paper.