Ms. Believer- Tyler Joseph Fanfic

chapter one

Please understand that the main character is struggling with an eating disorder and she also struggles with self harm. IF YOU FIND THESE THINGS TRIGGERING PLEASE DO NOT READ. I understand what it is like and trust me, I'm not romanizing the topic of eating disorders and self harm. I understand that it SUCKS and more than anything I am trying to raise awareness of what it's like because many people don't understand. Sorry for the pretty dhejehdnejjc intro but anyways, please enjoy :)

*cassidy's pov*

Beep beep beep

I groaned as a slapped my hand over next to me to turn off my alarm. Lovely. I have school. I stared at my ceiling for a few minutes before I decided to sit up. My room was very simple. Everything, for the most part, was white. In the middle was my beloved bed that I protect with my life, to the right was my desk. Above my desk I had a string that held up the Polaroid pictures that I took of my aunts dog because I don't have friends to take them with. No shame. Then to the left of my room was one big blank white wall and a little bean bag in the corner. I hated that wall. What is one supposed to do with a white blank wall that big? I didn't want to buy some random something, I wanted something that meant something. I have thought about it for awhile and I still have nothing.

After I got up I walked over to my mirror, rubbing my face in attempt to wake myself up. When I got to the mirror, I looked myself up and down. I turned to see everyone angle of my disgusting body. My t-shirt and black Brandy Melville shorts that at one time fit me, hung loosely from my body. I looked closely at the slits on my thighs and wrist.

You're so revolting

Ugly

Fat

My mind rung with these words constantly. I heard them everywhere I went, after two years they almost were comforting to me now. I couldn't get too upset before school so I opened my door and quietly headed down the hall to the bathroom. At the end of the hallway I could see into Josh's room. (Josh is my brother) Josh and I have never been those types of siblings that fight or whatever other normal siblings do. We always have gotten along really well and hung out like we were best friends. In Josh's room I could see his best friend and band mate, Tyler, sleeping on the floor. He had his arms wrapped around his pillow and  his mouth wide open, I could see dried up drool on his chin. How much more adorable could he get? He slept here and drove to school with my brother and I basically every morning, Tyler and Josh are inseparable. If they weren't together at my house, they were together at Tyler's. I've never really ever had an actually conversation with Tyler. He always never seemed interested and Im pretty sure he hates me so I always keep to myself. Although he has basically completely avoided me ever since he met me, I can't ignore the fact that he is very attractive. I guess I've always sort of had a small crush on him, nothing serious though. He writes really good music and sings too. I can always hear him and my brother making tons of racket in the basement. In their band, twenty one pilots, my brother plays the drums and Tyler sings and plays piano. They are actually pretty good.

I eventually snapped out of my daze of me staring at Tyler sleeping and remembered I needed to get ready. I entered my bathroom, I walked in then closed and locked the door behind me. I did what I would do every morning. I quickly washed my face, the sensation of water stinging the cuts on my wrist was common to me. Once I finished, I would dry my face and turn around to step on the scale. I was never happy with my weight. If I gain, I would think that everyone could notice and that I was disgusting. If I lost, I could have done better. I looked down at the scale.

107

I only lost half a pound

You're such a greedy pig

I could feel tears begin to form in my eyes. I blinked heavily keeping my eyes closed so that the tears would go away. I unlocked the door and tried to get to my room as quick as I could before someone could see me upset. As soon as I stepped out I ran into something. Tyler. Ugh.

"Oh s-sorry" I said as I put my head down, hiding my face so he couldn't see me cry and I continued on to my room like nothing happened.

Once I got to my room I calmed myself down by listening to some music and then I got ready. I felt like looking more presentable today, instead of the normal leggings and a plain black hoodie that belonged to Josh, I put on a pair of ripped light wash skinny jeans, a brandy Melville halter top, and an over sized knit cardigan. I looked in my mirror, extremely unhappy with my appearance. I pulled off my cardigan and threw on my Harvard crew neck. I definitely didn't go there and I didn't know any one who went there but hey, it was "hipster" so why not? I threw my ratty blond hair up in a messy bun, put on my black converse, grabbed my backpack, and went down stairs. I could hear Josh talking quietly with my mom in the kitchen. When I entered, I saw Tyler sitting on the bar stool at the bar and Josh and my mom leaning against the counter. They all looked up and stared when they noticed me enter. I raised my eyebrows at them but continued walking in. They had to have been talking about me but I ignored it.

"Good morning," I whined as I headed to Josh and wrapped my arms around his torso, looking up at him, "please don't make me go."

"Cass, I don't think mom would let that happen" he said, looking up at mom.

Mom shook her head and walked to the pantry to grab a granola bar."Here eat this on your way to school." She said kissing my forehead as Josh and Tyler headed out the door. I turned and quickened my pace to catch up with them.

Once we all piled in the car I stuck the granola bar in my bag, along with all the others mom had given me this week. On the car ride to school I always stare out the window with my head in my palm, watching the houses zoom by the window. I like pretending like I'm the sad main character of a movie. I never speak and I definitely don't ever listen or participate in Tyler and Josh's strange seventeen-year-old boy conversations, but for some reason today when the word "girlfriend" was said, my head popped up.

"Dude we have band practice tonight, you can't just back out to hang out with a girl you've only been dating for a couple months." Josh said sounding irritated as he ran his hand through his newly dyed pink hair.

Josh could never get too upset. Josh has always been a softie, he's one of the nicest people I know. He's always been extremely protective over Tyler and I, always afraid to hurt us.

"I can't just tell her no." Tyler mumbled.

They continued and the conversation went on the same all the way to school. I couldn't believe Tyler had a girlfriend. It actually kind of made my heart sink. Crap.