Ms. Believer- Tyler Joseph Fanfic

chapter three

*cassidy's pov*

Josh just drove me and him from school today, no Tyler. I figured Tyler ended up going to his girlfriends house. Brb while I vomit. When we got home, I binged, as usual. I binged often. For five milliseconds I wouldn't give two craps about being skinny, Id just eat whatever I wanted. It was like something possessed me to stop my obsession with weight and nutrition labels. After I finished eating, I went upstairs and purged all that I had just eaten and then went to my room and plopped on my bed. I pulled my computer over to me from my side table and began to scroll through my tumblr feed. After a few minutes of looking at memes I began to feel my eyes get heavy.

I woke up around 7:00. My computer was closed and placed on my desk, Josh must have put it there. I rolled to stare at my very boring blank wall and then sat up and positioned myself so I could see into Josh's room down the hall. He wasn't in there. There was no one but me, myself, and my thoughts. And the reminder of what I had eaten earlier.

You should be working off all of that fat you ate

Maybe if you were skinny someone would actually love you

There's a reason why you have no friends

You're so ugly, your parents are embarrassed

The awful thoughts flooded my head. I had been laying and thinking for what seemed like not very long. I didn't even know I was crying until I sat up to look at the time.

11:23

Hot tears steadily flowed down my cheeks. I got up to look in the mirror, knowing it would only make matters worse. If I'm already upset why not make it worse, right? As soon as I got in front of the mirror I lifted my shirt to reveal my stomach.

All this work and still not good enough

You'll never be good enough

I fell to my knees and heard sobs escape from my mouth. I couldn't tell if I was crying because of the disappointment in my body or the fact that this is what my life has come to. I used to eat normal meals, no worries. I wouldn't look in the mirror and break down in sobs. I cared none about a nutrition label, not even acknowledging their existence.

I got up from the floor, tears still escaping from my eyes. I headed to my desk and opened the top drawer and grabbed my blade. I peaked my head out the door to check that no one was around then headed to the bathroom. I walked in and locked the door. When I got there I set my blade on the counter then hovered over the toilet to make myself throw up, I had already purged my food from earlier but I could still feel the calories slowly sinking into my skin and causing me to gain even more fat so I had to make sure I got every possible piece of food out of me. After two years of practice I had gotten to the point where I could just open my mouth and throw up. I kneeled down to get closer to the toilet, my elbows on the seat and my hands holding my hair back from my face. The toilet was freezing to my touch.

I opened my mouth. Nothing. I tried as hard as I could for even a little something and nothing came. I had to get the food out. I leaned against the wall across from the toilet, knees tucked to my chest, rocking back and forth. I began sobbing even harder and couldn't stop. I grabbed my single blade off the counter.