TOO GOOD ━ SUGG. ✓

chapter twenty-four

JOE SUGG'S POV
As soon as the words escaped the doctors mouth, it was silent among the four of us. The doctor quickly explained that he would let us take that in and he would come back later and update is on Alyssa's condition. Just before he left, he quickly asked us if we had any questions.

"Are we allowed to see her?" I asked, but his response wasn't something I expected.

"Sadly no, not at this time," he said, simply and then waited for a second to see if there were any questions. I looked down at my shoes for a second and when I looked up, the doctor was gone.

"I'm going to go back to my flat, but I'll be back tomorrow. If anything happens, let me know, please." Marcus said, before hugging Alfie and Zoë goodbye. He looked at me, and as he gave me a quick side hug, he leaned towards my ear.

"She's going to wake up, Joe. Have a little faith," he whispered before smiling at me. I nodded curtly and then he turned back towards Zoë and Alfie. I sat back down on my seat and sighed. I pulled out my phone and began to scroll through Twitter. News traveled like a forest fire, because the only thing that I could see on my timeline were just prayers from fans and various different youtubers such as Oli, Marcus, Dan and Phil. They were all directed to Alyssa, of course but as soon as I went out of the app and into messages, there were people left right and centre, all asking me if I was okay.

I replied to a few, telling some of my friends that I was okay and that I hoped she was going to be too. I saw a message from Caspar, telling me that he heard about what happened and that he was going to book a flight back to London. I quickly replied to the message, telling him which hospital where we at and that I hoped that I would see him soon. I was about to click on another message when my finger stopped in midair.

Various messages from both Troye and Connor.

I averted my gaze and put away my phone, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach. I knew that they deserved to know what happened, but I couldn't bring myself to tell them that their best friend was comatose, in the ICU, and she may never wake up. Just thinking about it brought tears to my own eyes and I looked down at my shoes, just like I had when the doctor had told me that I couldn't see Alyssa.

The fear that I had inside me, was slowly bringing me on the verge of tears because I knew that if something were to happen to her then nothing would ever be the same. Maybe that's how you feel when you love someone, but the feeling was foreign to me. It wasn't something I'd experienced with past girlfriends or even Brooklyn. The first time I felt the feeling was now, with Alyssa.

I saw Zoë glance at me with a worried expression on her face. I couldn't even bring myself to look at her or Alfie because I knew, I knew that it was over. I was about to cry over Alyssa Deyes.

Without saying anything about where I was going, I quickly got up and walked to the doors that led outside. As soon I was sure that no one could see me, I let it out.

Tears streaked down my cheeks, as I let out agonizing screams and sobs. It was my fault. I said this before and I would say it again because it truly was my fault.

I slid against the wall and curled up into a fetal position, bringing my legs up to my torso and bending my head down low. My whole body was shaking as I cried over her, letting out a deafening sob before I cried silently.

I didn't want to lose her.

I'd been trying so hard to keep myself from breaking down but the more I thought about her, the more emotional I became. I came to own conclusion in my thought process, I don't  want her to die. I wanted the doctor to tell me that I could see her and hold her hand. Then I wanted Alyssa to wake up and I wanted to kiss her and hold her tight.