Loving the Game

Talk to Me

          • Brianne's POV •

"Want to talk about it?" I asked Deshawn as he put on a plain blue T-shirt. The rest of the entire dinner was basically silent except for the small talk of how good the food was and how good the game was. Afterwards the ride to take his mom and sister back to the hotel was also silent. Once they were gone he had asked me to spend the night with him. I, of course, said yes because I knew he was kind of upset and he needed someone around to be there for him. Even if I didn't know why he slightly spazzed.
"It's nothing to talk about," he shrugged.
I glared at him,"If it was nothing you wouldn't have gotten upset."
"Let it go, Bri," he said clearing his throat.
"I don't think anything your mom said was out of line. She just said she liked the picture," I continued ignoring his request.
Deshawn sighed.
"Is it because she said something about the zoo? Your father?"
"That's the thing. I love my mom to death I do. She's all I got but I get so fucking fed up when every time we talk she has to mention something that has to deal with him," D's tone of voice grew with anger.
"You just can't avoid him," I reminded," he is your dad."
"No, I can't. But I sure as hell could do without being compared to him all the damn time. We're nothing alike."
"Maybe you're more similar than you lead yourself to believe."
Deshawn shot a look at me as he laid on the left side of his bed leaving room for me.
"I mean it has been like 11 years since you've seen him. Actually talked to him. That's a long ass time. People can change," I told him.
D shook his head," I'm nothing like him."
"How will you ever know?"
"I don't want to know either."
"You're stubborn as hell."
"Why is this so important to you anyways?" He asked sitting up.
"Because it clearly bothers you. A lot. Maybe if you tell someone how you feel you would deal with it much better."
"Remember how you said you wouldn't give up on me?" He asked changing the subject.
I sighed and nodded as I sat on the edge of the bed with my legs crossed.
"You still mean that?"
I extended my hand up to caress his cheek," Yes."
"Would you give up on me if I did drugs?"
I sat there and tried to figure out what he was trying to get at.
"I don't know. I guess so. That's a lot to deal with."
"Exactly, it's a handful and you eventually get fed up."
I nodded.
"Then wouldn't you be embarrassed to admit to being with a crackhead? Having him be the father of your children?" D asked staring me in my eyes.
"Maybe."
"So you give up, your at your breaking point, and your ashamed. No one has an understanding of the situation unless you've been through it, too. You haven't so it's no need for me to bore you with something you can't even relate to."
"That's not a positive look on things," I pointed out.
"I wouldn't know what it's like to have a dad like you do."
"My dad isn't in my home either."
"But he's there for you. Is he going to miss one of the biggest milestones in your life? Graduation?"
I lowered my head because my dad wasn't. He was going to be there: front and center.
"I didn't think so," he mumbled.
"I just wish you would open up to me sometimes. That's all I ask," I said crawling to the side of the bed he left for me. I turned my back to him pulled the sheets over me. Deshawn wrapped one arm around my waist and nestled his head into my neck. "Baby...?"
I let out a sigh.
"Alright, look...Ill tell you what you want. Just this once. Cause you so damn spoiled."
I rolled my eyes," Why does being compared to him bother you so much?"
Deshawn sighed," Being like him means that I'm a low life just like him. A woman beater, a addict just an all around terrible person. I don't want to be labeled as that even if I look, act, or do similar things that he has done."
I turned back over and wrapped my arms around his neck. On the inside I wa crying but I couldn't show it on the outside because he didn't like to be pitied upon. If I pitied him he would possibly stop talking.
"Your mom can't help the fact that you remind her so much of him. Just take it all with a grain of salt."
"I know. It just gets old."
I grabbed his face in the palms of my hands. "Was that so hard to say?"
"A little," he smirked.
I pinched his cheek.
"Ouch man," D said biting me on my arm.
"Ow!"
"What else bothers you or soothes you? Makes you emotional? Tell me something real." I asked not realizing how deep I was digging so fast.
D chuckled," One thing I will surely miss about college is Mr. Lyles' Poetic Arts class. That right there soothes me. Art and poetry. It's some sappy bullshit but I get my high off it."
I sat up in his bed," Draw me something." I shoved him a bit to make him move.
"What?" He asked the corners of his lips frowned down.
"Draw something for me," I repeated shaking him by the shoulders.
"It's about to be 12 am," he said pointing at the alarm clock.
"So! Please, for me," I said pouting and batting my eyes.
Deshawn grunted. I leaned down and planted kisses on his collar bone.
"Fine," he moaned," just give me a minute."
"Yay," I squealed.
"What do you want me to draw anyways?" He asked rubbing his eyes as he swung his legs over the mattress.
"Draw me anything. Something  that you want or like it means something to you."

I sat there in silence for a good forty five minutes until Deshawn was finished.  He turned his sketch tablet to where I could see it.

Deshawn cleared his throat,"I want you to be there beside me. When I become successful and all. I want you to have my back, listen to me rant, and put up with my insecurities, moods, and passive aggressiveness. I want this relationship. I want you."

My eyes got teary this time for real and I couldn't even block it. He really was good at the art and poetry thing. It's his niche. I kind of got a break through with him tonight with all the family stuff. I didn't have to punch it out of him either. Plus, I wanted him too. I wanted him all types of ways. And right now I wanted him on top. I kissed him passionately and he returned the gesture. I pushed him down on the bed causing him to have a confused look on his face. Soon after he caught on and grabbed me by the waist to pull me down on him.
"I want you, too."