Chapter 3
"Katniss," he said between our kiss. He pulled back, resting his forehead right against mine, and I wondered what he was doing, he seemed kind of nervous and scared, but I brushed the thought away right before he said, "I love you."
My heart raced; my eyes fluttered shut and I felt my whole world begin to spin. I felt my stomach begin to churn and I almost doubled over, reading to puke but I realized it was all just a feeling. A strong one though.
Peeta loves me.. shouldn't I love him? I felt my mouth grow dry; the saliva all but there, and my cheeks turned rosy I could feel them. "Peeta-I-" I stuttered ultimately. I was embarrassed, I couldn't look at him, I couldn't.
"Shh," his voice was quiet and calm yet held more confidence than I'd ever heard it before. "I don't expect you to say it back, not yet at least. I just want you to know that I do, I do really love you," his soft hand sculpted the bottom of my chin lightly pulling it up to face his. My eyes gleamed over his, and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
He nodded his head slowly, reassuringly, "It's okay."
Before I could do anything else, I wrapped my hands faintly over his neck, pulling my lips to his, kissing him slowly and I felt him do the same, our lips following the sound of our breath. I was sure I loved Peeta, I did, but the time didn't seem right I still felt a piece of me holding back and I decided to reserve that piece for when I finally felt whole.
The thing was, he understood and I could only thank him for that; no amount of anything could repay him for the feeling of safety that belonged to him. "Peeta, I just I want to thank you-"
His low voice cut me off, "You know, I should be the one thanking you," he grinned, and I followed my gaze down to the floor before coming back up and reaching his sparkling blue eyes again. The sun off in the distance glowed a faint shimmer off of his blonde hair, the curls gently being blown in the wind.
This moment was perfect; almost too perfect. It was a relief after all the places I'd been to all the things I'd seen...
"There you are!" A familiar preppy voice shrilled through the air. The once sunset orange sky was now covered by a huge lavender wig. "The train is leaving in a few minutes, and it's time to get ready for dinner!" Effie made dinner sound like the best thing in the world the way she spoke.
Peeta pretended to roll his eyes, and I could only agree; I wanted to stay here with him forever. "I guess it's time to eat," I whispered dumbly. Of course it was time to eat, but I guess I was just trying to stall the time; the longer I stood here, the more time with Peeta I got.
"Don't worry about it," Peeta smiled, "you're stuck with me."
We finally pulled away, his hand finding my own; the other carrying the lovely bouquet of weeds Peeta had given me. Effie had disappeared back into the car, and the only sound from Peeta and I was the lose gravel scraping underneath our feet. I breathed in the light scent of the woods reminding me of home, and the quaint chirping of the birds echoed in the distance.
Home was close, I thought, closer than before. Soon I can go to the forest; breath in the light evergreen scent, the rocks and dirt hidden underneath my shoes just as the taste of strawberries fills my mouth. Soon I won't have to worry about anything. not about Peeta, or my mom and Prim, not of....Gale...
Suddenly a picture of him flashed across my eyes almost to fast to even recognize, but it's a face I could never forget. Gale...Gale...My thoughts started roaming over the life we had before the games; the worry free days we spent in the woods; his useful snares getting us both dinner; my arrows whaling through animal's eyes. I remember the sweet particular scent to him; the enhanced grin making him look handsome. I remember it all, and it all hit me too fast.
How will I act when I get home? What will I do when I see him? I miss him...I want to see him, right? Yes, of course I want to see him it's Gale my best friend....
My thoughts take me back to the last time I ever had the chance to speak to him, when he wanted to tell me something but was whisked away before he could say another word....what did he want to say? It must've been important since we both thought I was going to die.
"Katniss," Peeta stopped in front of me, and I realized I walked right into the stairs leading up into the train. My ankles began to sting; wounds from hitting the metal and I realized that one was bleeding just a little; my bare skin used to the scratches and sadly, much worse.
I flew out from my daze, shaking my head before quickly looking up at Peeta, "I'm sorry, I just-"
The look on his face was something I couldn't quite put a name to; a look of horror and sadness rushed over it; his eyes searching mine for an explanation, but I had none. "It's fine, I'm fine, just thoughts..." I tried to sound reassuring but it came out more like madness, all trying to get across a different message at once.
Peeta held out his hand, looking away, and I reached up for it, my fingers locking their grasp over the back of his. He helped me up the stairs, and I smiled up at him, hoping that this would all just go away. When I was finally on the train, my heels rested back on the floor and I still gazed at Peeta while his eyes still wandered mine.
"Katniss, are you okay?" It was a croak.
I wasn't going to fool him with any stupid smile, so instead I just nodded my head; it was the best reassuring I could do. "Trust me," I whispered, my hand finding his before he finally agreed. I know he knew that my mind was just a world of craziness and horror, but knowing Peeta, he was worried. He was worried that I wasn't okay. But after going through what we've gone through I'm not quite sure I can say I'm alright.
Without another word, we made our way through the cars just as the train itself started to take off. My feet were balanced on the ground thanks to the support from Peeta, and we finally made it to the dinner table.
There, Haymitch, Cinna, Portia, Effie and my prep team sat gathered around a delicious looking meal; lamb stew and strawberries, sprinkled chocolate and rows of vegetables gathered across the table-top setting my mind at ease. Up until now I hadn't noticed how hungry I really was.
Peeta escorted me to the empty chair between Cinna and Effie, and then walked around and sat in the seat directly across from me between Portia and Haymitch. We all began to eat, me rushing into things like I normally do, while the others, including Effie didn't even say word about my horrendous manners.
Haymitch drank very little, and Effie and Cinna made small talk about the new season's upcoming fashion. Peeta and I remained silent though; and for once I felt trapped....after being out of the games where I was supposed to feel free I wasn't sure why this burden of hopelessness had finally settled into my chest.
None of this felt right; it felt too weird to feel alright and I wasn't sure when I would get used to it.
I wasn't sure if I would.
Sharply, I shot up from my chair, the room somewhat spinning as I ran down the hall, through the buzzing train cars to my room. I couldn't keep running from things like this, but by now I felt it was the only thing I could do.
I held out my hand for the door knob, instinctively turning it over before sprinting in and slamming the door. My legs wobbled and my heart spun and I wasn't sure what was happening, but I felt it was too late before I crashed against my bed.
