The night went on. Peeta and his family came over to our house and the cameras adored the interactions between my protective mother and Peeta. She teased him, playing a role that I did not even know she was capable of producing. I watched in a sort of awe, but had to remind myself that I was just as much apart of this role as well.
Prim talked with Peeta's older brothers who we not used to the sudden fame. They had likely been all across cameras in Panem and I was not sure how they would acclimate to the fame. Both were old enough to be out of the Reaping, but both were just old enough to enjoy the stardom. They were both handsome, and likely would be attracting the girls from the Seam because of this move to the Victor's Village.
Even Haymitch was pulled into the comedy; he played the part of the annoyed neighbor between the two love-birds. This was no role.
Time passed as the cameras slowly turned off. The night had closed in over the sky, darkening the sun and leading into the humid summer nights I was so familiar with in District Twelve.
Everyone gathered the cameras and said their goodbyes. We spent a few more hours talking with Cinna and Portia and the styling teams before they left to board their trains back to the Capitol. I hugged Cinna tightly, closing my eyes to just feel his presence in my arms. I was to truly be on my own now.
Everyone left, our families head back to their new houses, and Peeta and I stood outside in the courtyard of flowers that separated our houses across each other. He had sensed the entire night that something was wrong. As soon as I had said sorry to him behind the curtain of my hair, embracing him for the first time since I had kissed Gale. Peeta wasn't naive.
He sat on a bench in the courtyard, leaving enough room between the two of us so I felt comfortable enough to sit down. I crossed my legs, my hands nervously clutched for the bench beneath me, and I leaned forward a bit.
I was nervous. I felt sick. I had never felt anything like this before.
I knew I would give anything for Peeta. He and I had survived the impossible; he had pronounced his love and this truth remained between us. He had had these feelings since we were both five; a decade of this prowess for care and genuine curiosity for me. I felt trust, I felt undying love flicker from his eyes whenever he looked at me. It was something I had never noticed until the games. It was something that I was learning to feel myself.
"Katniss," Peeta breathed out, a sigh, slow and careful as he sat forward a bit in the bench. I could tell that he was trying to see my face better because I had leaned away from him. I felt tears well up in my eyes. Then I pushed them away with a few fingers.
"Tell me. You can tell me anything, please know that," Peeta's voice was still a little more than a whisper. He reached for my hand which still held onto the bench. Looking at my knuckles, they were white, and I loosened my grip a bit when his warm hand captured mine. It was the trust and ease in his voice; he meant what he said and we both knew that. I did not deserve that now.
Slowly, my body took in a breath, and I turned to face him, my eyes looking into his. "Last night," my voice was hoarse so I cleared my throat and tried again, "Gale and I kissed. When he came to see me". The tears welled up, threatening to block my vision completely.
What I saw was not what I expected. Peeta reached forward, his fingertips brushing aside the tears that threatened to crawl down my cheeks. He simply brushed them away and shook his head. "Gale loves you". His eyes were anything but mad; they were accepting and concerned, they were loving and open. I felt worse. Then I heard his words.
Prior to the games, prior to any of this, it was never something that I had taken into account. Gale and I were always there for each other. He was family. We did everything together, took care of each other. I guess when it came to our futures there was always the possibility of us, but it was never a topic of discussion. It was simply never explicit to us.
Peeta turned his body to face me, adjusting his prostitute leg a bit on the ground. I could tell he wasn't used to it, and I waited a moment for him to settle again. His body was completely turned to me. "Gale has always loved you, Katniss. We could all see it. And he was always there, he's your best friend. The fact that I was in the way of that, the fact that I am just now entering your life in a way that you're aware of speaks to this. You know my feelings for you, but I also know Gale's feelings to you. I won't be mad. Ever". Peeta moved his hand to my lap, his thumb caressing my leg. He stared at me, wanting to ingrain this into my head.
"All I feel is guilt. You have to know that these feelings are feelings I've never shared with anyone in my life, not even Gale. It was never something I even thought about. Now here we are, and in the past month everyone is telling me this information I truly didn't know. I thought I knew myself a bit more than this". I looked back at him, the tears stopping as I sniffled and pushed back the emotions.
Peeta smiled softly, shaking his head. I watched his curls bustle in the glistening of the street lights around us. "For someone so smart, you're really oblivious". Peeta squeezed my leg and released, sitting back in the bench.
"Katniss I am never going to pretend about my emotions for you. I have felt these emotions for over a decade and that's just getting to the point of you even knowing about them. I am in no rush to force anything; you know where I stand. You owe me nothing. So please, never feel guilty about this. You know that I am still here, that I will always be here. There's no one forcing anything between us unless it's you, and in that case, voice it". He looked at me with intent, and I was just able to nod my head.
"Thank you," I murmured, and like a child, leaned across the bench into the safety of Peeta's arms. I nestled my head against the curve of his neck, placing my lips there for only a moment. "Thank you". I repeated.
