We had to talk. I did owe him that. The air seemed to chill as Peeta left, and Gale stood a few feet apart from me. The distance felt too far; it was like a ghost was separating the space between us. I couldn't speak; I did not know where to start and that was holding me back. I sighed, taking in a deep breath as I tried to collect whatever thoughts I could manage for Gale's sake.
Right before I could begin to speak, Gale spoke up, his voice brutish and intimidating in ways I hadn't known before. "Is it true? Everything is suddenly love and a happy ending?" His voice was colder than the air around us.
I felt my door closing in on itself. I was suddenly defensive and frigid in the wake of his words. "Gale... I just came back from hell. I did what I had to do to survive. I did what I had to do to keep us both alive". It was close to a growl.
He did not seem to understand. He had watched the games, he had to have seen them. With the projections of the events mandatory in each house and active during all hours of the day, there was no way to look away. He couldn't have ignored my trials and tribulations. It suddenly made me mad that he couldn't see that. For the two of us, it had always been about survival. And for me, that is exactly what this was. He had told me to fight for my life, and I did. I did not see the complications of me coming home alive.
"You don't get it, Katniss." His voice soothed a little, but the edges of his tone were still just as hard. "You did survive and I knew that you would. I just didn't think there needed to be... the love story". The last three words tripped him up. Gale stumbled as he finally chose the words for me.
"We kept each other alive". I mustered.
"You kept him alive. He was a burden to your game."
I felt sick to my stomach. Whatever this was, whatever pain he was throwing in my face burned like the flames from the games. I stopped in my tracks. "There was no better outcome. We have two victors." I breathed in deeply before exhaling. "A life is a life. I did the impossible". I was so muddled with defense I did not even know where to begin with this unsolicited argument.
Gale mirrored my stop. I crossed my arms over my chest. It was time to change the subject. "Where were you tonight?" I felt tears welling in my eyes. If I asked more questions in that moment I would surely cry.
Gale's face changed; the emotions switched from anger to sadness in the matter of seconds. I never cried around Gale; there was no need to express that emotion. But he knew me, and he knew the emotions were raw right now. He stepped closer and I felt his presence with kinder, more patient. It was still cold.
"The love story. I'm your cousin now. I can't intercept the love story". His eyebrows furrowed as he realized how close he was getting and he settled back on his heel.
Silence.
"Snow ordered that I stay out of the public eye for a bit. After the interviews for the final eight, there were mixed reviews about our background. Apparently I pose a threat to you and love bird. So, Snow made sure that I will be out of your story as they attempt to persuade people that we are in fact related".
Related. The word stung in ways I couldn't explain.
There were no words that could fill the gap between us. I suddenly felt that I was an island, Gale the mainland. I was marginalized, pushed away from more than just the boy in front of me. Gale had always been my home; he had always been my constant. And I assumed that when I came back, if I came back, that would still be true. I was naive.
I was stupid.
The short explanation was enough for me to understand that the dynamic of Gale and I's relationship would never be the same. I never thought much about marriage, about children, always pushing the thoughts into the darkest crevices of my mind to assure that the vulnerability would stay at bay. But at the same time, there was always something deeper between us. Our relationship was friendship, it was familial. Even more so, more secretly and perhaps more shoved back, was the longing for more.
Now there was Peeta. And now I knew my feelings were Peeta were closing in on love. It was a love and warmth that I had not yet reached with Gale. Perhaps we both expected it would come with time.
But time had been cut short for us.
"Gale." I closed my eyes, trying to regain my understanding of the world. I wanted to feel that I was safe and okay and that everything was just a nightmare. Maybe when I opened my eyes it would be the morning of the Reaping and we would be clear to run away. I could start with Gale, get to the point with him that I was at with Peeta.
Time froze. He pushed off his back foot and within one short stride, his right hand cuffed the side of my cheek. My eyes fluttered open, revealing the world with Gale right in front of me. My breathing slowed, ceasing for the brief second before his lips were pressed against mine. It was a slow brush, his skin lightly over mine. Gentle at first, his lips began to start a rhythm and I followed. I couldn't feel much of his weight, besides the brisk sensation of his lips against mine. There were no thoughts in my mind and suddenly I felt at peace.
My hand lingered to his arm, sliding around the back of his lower arm as his second hand curved to fit just below my waist. His hand had never been there; I felt my chest longing for Gale and his presence, for the friendship, the companionship, for Gale.
It was moments before I felt as though I was finally free from this island. I wasn't as alone as I had felt all night. I felt completed.
And then the kiss stopped, and he pulled away.
"I needed to do that. Just once". He justified the kiss. Both of our chests were rising and falling as our lungs tried to collect our lost breaths. My cheeks blushed in the dark light, fortunately, shielding it from his view.
"I know". I whispered.
And then he turned away from me and entered the night.
