It echoed in my head. "I know". It replayed over and over again. It sunk deeper into my chest every time I heard it. I did not sleep last night.
"It was a late night, but you should've at least gotten a few hours last night". Flavius brushed some makeup under my eyes, his eyebrows furrowing in frustration at my physical appearance. It was a minor inconvenience, but to him it had to be the end of the world. He was immune to the nightmares, immune to reality, and I wasn't immune to Gale's actions last night. What had I gotten us into?
Today was the last day of televised events for the next six months. I should say, the mandatory ones all victors had to participate in. I knew I would make my way to the television screens across Panem sooner than later. For now at least, there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
Privacy. After having my face shown across the country for the past month, I was aching for the feeling of isolation. I wanted to hear the sound of my own silence. I wanted to try to live again, if that were possible at all. I had my mother and Prim; I had Peeta and our new life together. I had Gale. Maybe. Without the cameras there I had to have Gale, our private world could exist. I hoped he would feel the same.
"I can't sleep anymore". I murmured under my breath. I knew this was not something Flavius would even attempt to understand. He was blinded by ignorance of a Captiol raised citizen. Regardless of the situation, he could not look to see why I was hurting so much today, or any day since the Reaping for that matter.
I watched him furrow his brows as he worked on my makeup. His pencil etched delicately over my eyebrows. I saw a moment of pity, then I heard what I wasn't surprised by. "You're a Captiol Darling now, you'll have plenty of sleep and luxury ahead of you now". His gleam made me sick, yet I understood why he did it.
I had sat in this chair for ages, and I felt numb to the work my team did each time. One time, only a month ago, this was foreign to me. Now, it was something that was so natural that I felt a tinge of sadness that I was losing myself.
Octavia brushed my hair. Venia moved down to the final piece, my lips. It was her routine. Venia's hand was steady as the light pink pencil traced the ghost of last night. The pressure reminded me of Gale's lips; his lips were soft and warm. They were more forceful than the pencil now, but just as delicate, just as intricate. I felt the blush creep across my cheeks. I closed my eyes.
I was so lost in my head that I did not even hear when the door opened and Cinna stepped in. I only opened my eyes when Octavia and Venia were no longer working on me. I huffed in relief.
I had just seen him yesterday, but Cinna's presence always calmed me. He had that effect on me: comfort. I relaxed as he took my hands and helped me to stand from the chair.
"Last day. You can do this". His eyes searched mine, his finger moved across my face and he styled a bare strand from the front of my face. "I'm so proud of you, Girl on Fire".
He was right. He knew how impossible this had been; it was impossible to get through anything past the games never mind the horrific deathly arena. I wanted nothing more than to be off camera. I could almost taste the freedom.
Cinna held my hand and led me forward to the outfit that was draped beneath covers. He unzipped the dress bag and my eyes adjusted to the sight of the outfit in front of me. It was blue, it was perfect.
My hands couldn't stop from reaching forward to touch the fabric beneath my fingers. I gasped lightly.
It was the dress my mother had given me the morning of the Reaping.
"You kept it". I whispered, my voice silent in the quiet room. The day had been a blur, something I had tucked so deep into my mind. There was no reason for me to ever second guess the dress during the games. It was a minute detail to the events in front of me. But now, seeing it back in front of my eyes, I was reminded of the importance of the token from home, from my mother.
