I Never Had a Choice

Chapter 9- Train to My Own Personal Hell

* September 1 *

Today's it. I climb onto the train and willingly head to my own personal hell. Why did I agree to this? I slam my trunk closed and look around the room. It's been my safe haven for the past four months. It let me escape the stares of the outside world. Yes, I had to deal with Potter, but he never once looked at me with judgement. Yes, we 'fought' on opposite sides of the war, but I realized that maybe we aren't as different as I had hoped. We really are two sides to the same coin, and that bothers me. With me believing that we were so different it was easy to hate him. But now, I realize that my hatred was in vain. Hating him is like hating what I could have been.

I grab my bag, Binx, and my trunk, with one last look and a nod, I head down stairs. I meet Mother by the door and she smiles. I can tell this is hard for her, her only son heading to his last year of school. Her eyes are swimming with tears, but she's holding it together for the time being. Then, we apparate. Potter left before us in order to beat the crowd. So he can get a compartment and not be seen.

We've gotten to know each other, to an extent. We tolerate each other's presence, and isn't that what really counts? We've had some civil conversations, but I wouldn't say we're going to be braiding each other's hair anytime soon. The ones I'm not looking forward to are Brainbox and the other Wonder Twin. They'll never except me like Potter has. Weasel would've left me in that fire to burn with Crabbe. Maybe I would've been better off.

Once on the platform, I noticed something was different. I can't quite put my finger on it. The air seemed lighter almost. Maybe the war took its toll on everybody and made it so they quit being scared. That wasn't it though, there was something else, but what?

I turn around and look at Mother, she's smiling at me, genuinely smiling. I can't help but smile back. This was it, my last first day of school. I have so many mixed emotions about it, but I have a feeling my happiness will be short lived. So, I hug Mother goodbye and tell her I'll write often, and then board the train.

When I step on I notice people looking at me. I knew this would happen, what I didn't expect was people to part ways for me. I walk down the aisle with my things and find my normal compartment. I close the blinds and wait for the other Slytherins to join me. Before the Slytherins find me, Lovegood walks in with what looks like a letter.

"The headmistress told me to give this to you. It looks super important, so I'd read it soon. You never know, the nargles might come and steal it," she says in her usual dreamy voice.

As I'm about to ask what the hell nargles are, she turns around and walks out, but not before saying, "I know this may not be a popular opinion, but I'm proud of you for being brave enough to come back. Hopefully now people will be able to see who you really are, not your normal façade. Oh and by the way, whoever the girl is that you fancy, you may want to tell her. You never know what could happen."

What the hell just happened? Did Loony Lovegood just say that she thought I was brave? Nobody has ever called me that. If anything they've called me a coward. A coward for not completing my mission. A coward for joining the dark side. Everything that I do makes me a 'coward'. I never had a problem with that though, because in my opinion, bravery is the kindest word for stupidity.

Also, what did she mean I should tell the girl I fancy how I feel? I don't fancy anyone, people fancy me not the other way around. Unless, she thinks I fancy Pansy. Ugh, gross. I can't stand to even touch Pansy with a 7 foot pole. But who else could she be thinking of? Actually, scratch that, why the hell am I thinking about anything that lunatic says?

I turn my attention to the note she delivered, and it's informing me I am wanted in the Headmistress' compartment. Groaning I get up and head that way.

As I walk down the corridor I'm met with several stares and odd looks. Apparently nobody can believe I'm actually here. To be honest, I can't believe it either. Or maybe it's because this is the first time they've seen me walking around by myself, at least during the day.

I get to the headmistress office, take a deep breath, and then nock on the door. As I'm standing there waiting I can't help but think about how this year I can be anyone I want. I can be friends with anyone I want. No more blood prejudices, no more Father looming over my head. I can be me, Draco Lucius Malfoy, and no one else.

I break out of my thoughts and notice McGonagall standing in the doorway looking at me sternly.

"Well, are you going to come in or are you going to stand there all day and waste my time, Mr.Malfoy?"

I clear my throat, " Sorry, Professor, I was lost in thought and didn't notice you there."

"That's quite alright, you may come in," she says as she steps to the side to let me in.

When I walk in I'm met with almost an exact replica of McGonagall's office at Hogwarts. The only difference is this one has a whole wall of windows so I can see the countryside fly past outside. I walk to her mahogany desk and sit in one of the two chairs in front of it. A feeling of Deja vu hits me. I've sat in this same chair many times. She invited me to her office at least once a month sixth year, she always used the excuse she was just "checking on me," not that I minded, even tho she was the head of Gryffindor, she still tried to mother me at times. I know I can trust her, but that doesn't mean she knows anything about me.

"Mr. Malfoy, once the HeadGirl gets here we can begin speaking about your duties and where your rooms will be. Oh, and speaking of HeadGirl, here she is now."

I turn towards the door and my jaw tightens. Granger. Of course she's HeadGirl. The damn Brainbox, always number one in our class. She's to blame for my never being good enough. I have scars on my back because of her. I turn back toward McGonagall and keep my expression blank.

"Ah, Ms. Granger, so nice of you to join us. Please, take a seat so we can begin." Grange takes the seat next to me and acts as though I don't even exist. Maybe it's better that way. "As I was telling Mr.Malfoy, your duties will be to keep the Prefects up to par. Make sure they know when they are patrolling the castle. Also, it is now part of the Heads job to teach the Prefects defensive spells, nothing too excruciating, but enough to keep them safe. You will set up Prefect meetings once a month so you can discuss who patrols when. You will be required to patrol two hours every night. A new rule being enforced this year is late passes, which will be given out by you. That will be further explained at the feast.

"Now for your quarters, you will have your own common room, as per usual, but this year it is more secret. Nobody except you two and teachers are allowed to know where it is. Understand?" We both nod to agree and she continues, " Your rooms are in a dorm I, myself, have just built last week. It is very similar to the Room of Requirement. It will adjust itself to what you two desire. When you first enter, you must think about how you want your room to look, what you want it to have, how big, so on and so forth. Next, think about your common room. This process takes about five to ten minutes to set up. In that time it will also be scanning you for your magic core, so only you two, and teachers of course, will be able to enter. No. Friends. Period. I will walk you to where it is at once we arrive at the castle. Any questions?" She asks and waits a moment. When we don't reply she says, " very well, you need to go grab your trunks and head to the Head compartment where you will finish out your ride. Welcome back, I surely hope you two can get along this year. I will not tolerate you two bickering, if you two get into it I will strip you of your duties and send you home, do I make myself clear?"