I Never Had a Choice

Chapter 36- The Aftermath

My eyes flash open right as the first signs of light peek through my window. I look around the room at the mess I've created, and I feel a sense of shame at the sight.

The once beautiful room is in shambles. The walls are covered in dark spots where curses were thrown, and littered with holes created by my fists. The wardrobe has had its doors kicked in, and my clothes are scattered about. My once beautiful suits are now ripped to shreds, my shoes torn apart at the seams. My mirrors are shattered, and my bed is a mess. Everything that was once beautiful and elegant is now ugly and in shreds.

I look at myself in the shattered mirror and can't help but punch the glass again. How could I do this? How could I let myself be like that. I'm a Malfoy for Merlin's sake, I'm supposed to hold it all in, never let any emotions show, but I suppose after eighteen years of repressing my emotions, they all had to come out.

Every curse I had to cast on an innocent person. Every harsh word I have ever spoke. Every hit I took from Lucius. Every time I saw Mother cry and couldn't help her. Every night I stayed up with the nightmares. Every time I felt my Dark Mark burn. Every time I felt sorrow and pain. Everything came out in one tantrum, in one night, and now I have to deal with the aftermath.

I look down at the clothes I'm wearing and sneer. I'm still in the formal suit I bought for Mother's funeral, but now it's been burned, and torn, and wrinkled. The tie was torn at some point, my pants have scorch marks in various places, and my button up shirt no longer has any buttons left on it.

"Bloody brilliant," I state in a scratchy voice, "add buying a whole new wardrobe to my list of things to do on top of going to my classes and my HeadBoy duties."

I try to fix my suit as best I can before I make my way to Professor McGonagall's office. I make my way down the quiet corridor

I prefer it like this. The stone ceiling above me; the breeze from outside blowing through the arches; the light from the torches dancing across the flagstones; someone's missing cat running out in front of me; the sound of distant echoing footsteps from across the castle; glancing into empty classrooms and remembering times before the war. Times of peace and comfort. I enjoy the castle like this because I don't have to ignore the stares or the sideway glances; I don't have to worry about how I look; this is peace; this is when I can finally think. But I don't want to. I don't want to taint this quiet corridor with my haunting thoughts and memories; I want it to be free.

I stand in front of McGonagall's office and nock, after a few moments I hear a muffled, "Come in."

I make my way into the Head Mistress' office and watch as she finally looks up from her work, "Mr. Malfoy, it's quite early, is everything alright?"

I take a deep breath before I begin, "I need a favor of you."

The old witch studies me for a moment before responding, "How can I be of assistance to you?"

"I need to go into Diagon Alley before classes start. You see, there was an accident last night- everyone is fine don't worry- but all of my clothes are currently in shreds. Which leaves me needing to buy new robes," I explain.

The Head Mistress clears her throat, "If I may ask, what events lead up to all of your clothing being shredded, Mr. Malfoy?"

"I'm not sure I know how to explain what happened, Professor, not that I want to," I explain.

She studies for a moment before she replies, "Classes start in three hours, Mr. Malfoy, you are expected to be on time to your first class. No exceptions, do you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am," I nod.

"Alright, you may use my fireplace to floo into Madam Malkin's; she just opened a few moments ago, so you should be able to floo right in. When you are ready to return, simply apparate to Hogsmeade and walk back to the castle, I will inform Mr. Flich to let you back on to the grounds. Have a nice trip."

"Thank you, Professor McGonagall," I answer.

"Oh, before you go, I hope you are aware that facial piercings are not allowed here at Hogwarts; I expect them out before you return," Professor McGonagall states.

I simply nod to the Head Mistress before I step into the fireplace.

*+*+*

I step out of the robe shop with several new sets of school robes. I had her make me several new suits as well, but she won't have those finished for at least a week, and will be mailing them to me at school.

Madam Malkin didn't even recognize me when I flooed into her shop. She started telling me about how wonderful Hogwarts is, and how much it has improved since the war. I wanted to inform her right away who I was, but it was nice to have someone actually talk to me like a normal person. She seemed quite taken aback when I told her I needed Slytherin patches sewed on, which was when I had to inform her of who I am.

I make my way down to The Leakey Cauldron to have some breakfast before I head back to the castle. Diagon Alley has been deserted since the war. No one has dared to come back to their store front. This has always been the best place to buy supplies for school, and for some, the first place in the wizarding world they ever go to. It's a place of new beginnings and old memories.

Suddenly, I feel a hand grab my arm and the distinct feeling of aparation.