Night Rider

12: Fruit Ninja

AN: So it occurred to me that Lyn is still plotting her revenge on Jason for eating her blueberries. Beware the fruit...
...
Time since discovery: 9 months

Skill set:
Improving from last entry

Additional notes:
- if given the opportunity, will make ridiculous puns at inopportune moments
- is planning something involving large quantities of fruit, but it is unclear what that is as of yet

...

It was a lovely summer afternoon. I was lounging outside on the grass, sunglasses on and reclined in the shade of a large leafy tree. The peace of it reminded me of lazy days back at home, when I wasn't training to beat a man senseless with my fists.

And also when I wasn't sore from head to toe most days. However the heat was working wonders on my stiff joints and the peace of sitting outside in shorts and a tank top was hard to beat.

What a lovely, nonviolent day-

"You are dead Walker!" Jason's furious voice exploded from inside the kitchen.

-Well, it had been. Up until Jason found the surprise I had left him. A grin flooded my face.

"Where the hell are you so I can kill you?!"

Stay quiet. Stay discreet. If you laugh he'll find you. If you laugh, you will be hunted down and made to pay, I thought to myself. Silently, I bit my lip.

Jason's shouting was accompanied by the murmuring of other confused voices.
Momentarily he got a little more muffled and I assumed he was explaining the mess to someone- probably Dick and an exasperated Alfred and Bruce. He cursed audibly at someone who laughed- probably Damian and Dick- and then his voice exploded out the kitchen window again.

"... THERE ARE FREAKING BLUEBERRIES STASHED IN MY HELMET, YOU MORON! I HAVE TO TAKE A SHOWER NOW TO GET THEM OUT OF MY HAIR! SHE STUFFED AN ENTIRE CONTAINER OF- DAMIAN IF YOU DON'T STOP LAUGHING YOU'RE DEAD TOO!"

Ehehehehehe! I tried desperately to keep my mouth shut, but couldn't help it. Peals of laughter burst from my mouth, my eyes watering with tears.

The following dead silence that came from the kitchen should have concerned me.
But... I was laughing too hard to think.

Even when forceful footsteps signaled my impending doom and Jason's tall form leaned over me, I still couldn't breathe from the giggles. He had just put on a helmet full of fruit and I was staring at the aftermath. Which, you know, when I saw the blueberries sticking in his hair and all over his face, made me pause for a second; and then I rolled over with another round of gasps and ground slapping.

"Oh... My.... Priceless," I managed to get out before becoming incoherent again.

"Explain. Now. Before I shoot you-"

"With your gun? You'd miss me too much!"

His eyes narrowed dangerously. He put his hand into his helmet where it was tucked under his other arm. A blueberry emerged, grasped in his fingers.
And then he threw it at me like a deadly projectile.

I dodged with a roll. Proceeding to pull out a marshmallow shooter where I had hidden it behind my back, I pointed it at Jason with a grin. The pipe instrument was built for marshmallows but I had loaded it with blueberries instead.
"Blueberry?" I pulled back the pump launch mechanism.

A splatter of blue fruit nailed him square in the chest. We stared at each other in shocked silence.

"Run?" I suggested for myself.

"That's a good plan, yeah."

I scrambled to my feet and booked it across the lawn before he could come to terms with what entirely just happened. Seconds later, footsteps came charging after me.
He didn't yell, which was slightly more terrifying. Considering it was harder to judge where he was behind me.

But on the plus side, I was fast. If I could successfully make it to the house, I could spend the rest of the day making Jason miserable.

Ahead of me the patio doors leading to the kitchen loomed and, thank heavens, they were still open from Jason blasting through them.

I rocketed up the two steps and into the kitchen, sprinting past Dick, Bruce, Damian, and an exasperated looking Alfred.

"Why-?" Dick started to ask, but I was already past them and into the hallway.

"Because he stole my blueberries!" I yelled over my shoulder without pause.

"Good luck!" Dick's reply was faint at I turned and expertly rolled into a crevice off the side of the main room.

"Where the hell did she go?!" Jason thundered past my hiding space.

I grinned. Mission disappear to fight another day accomplished. Let the games begin.....

...

The sun was setting when I finally ran out of stashed ammo and Jason collapsed in a chair in the Batcave, covered in various fruit remains. Hiding behind a stack of machines I watched my target heave a massive sigh.
"I give up. I didn't even know Alfred kept that much freaking fruit in the house..."

Bruce, researching something at the Batcomputer with his back to Jason, cracked the smallest of smiles.
"He doesn't. This entire fiasco explains the mess of produce he brought home yesterday at Lyn's request."

"..."

"You should call a truce before things get any worse."

"... Fine. Whatever the reason for this dumb@&$ mess, I give up. I quit. I surrender. Not that it's gonna do much good, since I can't find that &$@! woman any-"

I slipped out from my hiding place, fruit splattered launcher slung casually over my shoulder, a smirk on my face.
"I accept your surrender, though you still owe me an apology."

"For what?!"

"You ate my blueberries Jason. It was bound to lead to this."

I could see the exasperation working through his face, but finally he conceded with a frustrated exhale.
".... Fine. I'm sorry I ate your blueberries Lyn. Can we be done now?"

I dropped the fruit launcher in response and held out my hand for him to shake, "Yes, yes we can."

He took my hand and shook it once. Then his grip tightened and he yanked me into his chest.

"Gah!" I toppled into the fruit splattered all over him.y

"Now we're even!" He cackled at my slimed front.

I glared but couldn't help hold a grin. I was sure Bruce was probably grinning too, even if we couldn't see his face.