Pillow Talk

14.

"I don't want to leave just yet." I stayed in his arms, my eyes were closed and the only thing I could feel was him. All I could hear were the silent rhythms of his heartbeat. All I could smell was the slight aroma of homemade bread and paint.

"I knew that Hannah would be mad, but I didn't think she would make me leave so early." I was suppose to leave next week, but Hannah seemed very set on the idea of me being on the next plane out of Los Angeles. "Will you still call me? Will you still text me?" I lifted my head from his chest and looked up at him. "Will you?"

Muhammad nodded his head and lifted me chin up so he was looking into my eyes. "I promise. Do you promise to text me and send me flirty emojis when I'm feeling down on my luck?"

"Of course."

Muhammad placed a light kiss on my lips and quickly pulled back. "This won't be our last kiss. I don't want a goodbye kind of kiss. I want a see you later kiss." Muhammad took my hands in his and smiled down at me. "I'll see you later, okay?"

I nodded my head and let go of his hands, "I'll see you later." I pulled my bag tighter to me and smiled up at him. "You can always just come visit me. Or I can go visit you. It'll be fine."

"Don't sound so doubtful, babe. It'll be fine."

His words were so sweet, but his eyes told a different tale. I know that we weren't going to stay together, I've seen the movies, read the books. Long distance just never worked. To think that we were different in someway was so ignorant of us. But the way he spoke made me want to believe that we were the 1 percent that could actually survive thousands of miles between us.

I turned around and hung my head down low, and didn't look back in fear of what would be on his face. I never wanted to turn around when I left. People always look different when they don't know you're looking.

---

"I'm just happy that you're back mtoto. I really missed you. You're probably tired, I'll let you go to sleep." My mother gave me a light kiss on my forehead, and she backed away and out of my room. My bags were still waiting at the door, new and old clothes clashing together. I didn't want to unpack, the smell that clung to the clothing would be gone the moment that I opened the luggage.

Muhammad had told me to call him the moment that my plane had touched down, but I didn't feel like talking to him. I already felt like we were done the moment that the plane rushed down the runway and flew into the air.

A light knock came from the other side of my door and I groaned, my mother probably trying to offer me food, or trying to get me to talk crap about my father and his new bimbo bride. "Mom, I'm not hungry. I'm just really tired, can we just talk later?"

"I can come back later if you want me to." Jared's voice surprised me, it was a voice that I knew I was going to have to hear at some point. But I didn't know if I wanted it to be this early. I missed Jared, I know that it was stupid for me to say. But I missed him.

"No, you can come in." I threw a sheet over my bare legs and looked back up just in time to see Jared open up the door, a smile creeping onto his face, dimples that were large enough to fit dimes into.

"Hey Liz. Your  mom had said that you were coming in today when I passed by her this morning in the supermarket. Just wanted to see if you wanted to talk to anyone. The last time we talked, it didn't go as well as I really wanted it to." Jared pulled the chair from my desk out and placed it near the bed. He sat down and put his elbows on his thighs. "I thought you had wanted me to be there. I wouldn't have gone it if I had known you had a boyfriend." Jared cleared his throat and leaned back in the chair, waiting for my response.

"At first, I didn't want you there. But I'm glad that you're here now. I really did miss you Jared. Did you get any sleep while I was away?"

"Barely any. But I'm fine. My mom is seeing if I can go and take some type of sleeping pills. She's tired of hearing me pacing at three in the morning, I guess." Jared let out a chuckle and ran his hands through his hair that had sprouted even more since I had seen him. "I never really liked sleeping pills. I guess I just don't like to sleep. I feel like I miss too much whenever I go to sleep."

"You were sleeping when you were with me. I mean, if you want to-" I stumbled through my sentences, my tongue seemed to grow to twice its size while I tried to talk. I let out a breath and closed my eyes. "You can sleep in here for the night if you want to." I opened my eyes to see Jared's surprised expression.

"We won't do anything of course. I have a boyfriend. But if you wanted to just sleep in here for a little, I don't think it's a bad thing to do. Just a friend helping another friend. That's it." I played with the curls that had escaped the bun on the top of my head and avoided looking at Jared.

"If that's okay with you. I'll come over at around 10. And I'll make sure you're mother doesn't find out this time. Just leave the window open." Jared stood up from the chair and stretched, revealing a thin layer of toned skin. I immediately turned away, friends don't look at friends like that. "I need to get home. Mom is making collard greens and black eye peas, I am not missing that."

We said our goodbyes and I was once more left with my thoughts, and that's a scary thing to be left alone with.

---

At exactly 10:13 there was a small rap of knocks on my window. I shifted myself towards the window and smiled at Jared peeking through the window. I waved him in and scooted myself to the other side of the bed. Jared opened up my window and stepped into my room. He had on a pair of sweats and a shirt that had the Nike swoosh on it.

"Did you enjoy your food?" I whispered as Jared stood at the window and kicked off his shoes. "Very much. I'll come by tomorrow and give you a plate if you want some."

"I can never turn down a plate of free food." I patted the bed space next to me and smiled. "But, it's probably best if you stay on top of the covers. It would give me more peace of mind, ya know?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course." Jared got on top of the covers and faced me. "Did you know that when you're tired, you scrunch up your nose every few minutes?"

"I didn't even realize." I lightly giggled, I stifled a yawn and slyly looked up at him. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't want to talk, I just want to lay here. I know you're tired, it's okay. Just having you here is enough for me." Jared turned on his side and faced me. "I just missed you, I guess."

"You guess? Is there a part of you that's still trying to figure out if you do?" I laughed. I turned onto my back and felt my eyes getting heavier and heavier. My heart beat became steady, and all there was left was to just let it all go.

"I guess there is still a little part trying to figure everything out."