Hearts revival (a follow up from the North and South tale)

a love so strong 17

John looks at me unsure and definitive surprised but also hopeful: "Elizabeth, is this really what you desire?" I only nod. I have come to admire him greatly, I think I might have even fallen in love with him? For a second time? Despite my lost memories? The realisation is so strong it makes me want to jump up and dance,I really do desire him to kiss me... 

He leans down and gently kisses me as if he still can't believe it. Feelings of bliss flow through my veins and I know now, I do love this man. When he pulls away again I am somehow saddened though, that I can still not remember. "John," I say, avoiding eye contact for suddenly I am more than shy, "I can still not remember but, I believe I have grown very fond of you despite the amnesia. Will you be able to love me the way I am?" 

He laughs lighthearted: "Elizabeth I would be delighted if you could remember what has been between you and I but you are still the same sweet, innocent and caring person that I have grown to love, my feelings for you have not changed. " I am genuinely overwhelmed with the warm feeling of being loved, firstly he can love me regardless of the fact that I am a retard but also that I could have given him what he so obviously desired. It is wonderful to see him so light hearted after having to witness him suffer before. But then he looks at me with big, puzzled eyes and says: " You know Elisabeth, I still can not comprehend how a woman such as yourself might want to be with a man like me. I don't feel in the least worthy of you." Now I am completely taken by surprise. "Oh John, can you not see what a fine man you are! It is I who is not worthy of you!" He is positively beaming. "I love you, Elizabeth!" He states.

"And I love you, John," I say in all earnesty.

  I suggest to go for a walk, the sun is shining and I have made a decision. Neither my Uncle, Mary or John have told me what happened that fateful day I lost my memories. At the beginning, they tried to, but each time my pulse had quickened and I had started to pant so severely that the doctor had ordered that I should not be confronted with the events of that day until I would be content and prepared to face them. It had never been mentioned since. 

Now while I'm walking along the beautiful gardens of the hospital, knowing that I love John and he loves me, I think i feel able to face the information that could possibly trigger my memory. At least I believe this to be the key in some ways. 

"John, I say, " would you be willing to tell me about that fateful day now?" I ask him, quivering a little. He stops and looks at me worriedly. "I'm not certain if this is a good idea, Elizabeth, you 're still rather weak." I get the feeling that he too does not like to engage with the events. 

"Please John, I think I'm ready." And then he does tell me everything that happened. I can feel my pulse racing and I am starting to pant but I manage to conceive this from John because I want to know, I have too! All of it seems unreal and I can not remember until John finishes with...."I'm sorry Elizabeth, Higgins never made it out again, he died trying to save as many as he could. He truly died a hero!" I stare at him as I try to process the information. Higgins, Nicholas.....a man appears before my inner eye, a man who is running back into the flames. I can hear my own voice calling: "No Nicholas", and then I feel the intense worry again, where is John? He is somewhere in that inferno, John! Without noticing, I grab John's hand as the memories flood back into my mind. Every bit of it. I hear the screams again, I feel the heat and I feel the desperation, the need to find John, no matter what. I turn to stare at John, still shocked and then I realize he is safe, he is standing in front of me unharmed and very much alive. 

I throw my arms around him crying. "Oh, John you're safe! I was so worried, I thought I would never see you again and then the memories of my parents, I'm so sorry John you were trying to save me but I was not in my right mind, I'm so sorry I run into the flames...." and then "Oh, Nicholas..." Johns embrace is warm and safe. I cry while the relieve washes over me as well as the grief as I start to comprehend that I lost my dear friend Nicholas Higgins, a man who had been so patient with me, who had taught me so much, a man I had looked up too. I also cry for Mary's sake and for all the other workers who lost someone dear that day, for I know of feeling such as those.  

John holds me until the tears subside. I feel as if I have aged a whole lot, I'm also totally spent and as if I could sleep a hundred years. "John, I can remember everything! Losing Nicholas is still incomprehensible for me but for Mary it must be so much worse. I can not believe it, not once did she mention this to me on one of her regular visits. I have to go and see her and the children," I state, my voice still quivering. John nods. 

"Your Uncle and I have made sure that they are comfortable but we could of cause not take away the grief. I'm certain your visit will be greatly appreciated." I'm very grateful that John and Uncle looked after them while I was not able to do so but now I am able and I will see to it! 

My dear Uncle, I have to see him too. I can just imagine how pleasantly surprised he will be when he finds out I have successfully overcome the amnesia.

With the return of my memories, I have also regained full control over my body. It is ever so good to be able to move freely again. Since everything seems to be functioning rightly again, there is no further need for me to stay at the hospital. I can go home. I'm only sad to leave behind my dear friend James. I fear that he will crawl back into his shell as soon as I leave. So I decide that I will go and visit him regularly because he will most certainly not come and see me. I know him. 

He is rather distanced when I come to bid him farewell. "James," I say, "I will come and see you!" He looks at me gloomily.

"No, you will not!" And he is convinced of it. Well, he will be surprised because I will! If I make a commitment I stick to it but I suppose I can not convince him right now. I lean in and kiss him on his cheek. A small smile appears on his face.

"Thank you for being my friend," I say to further try to lift his spirits, "you have been a great comforter in a very dark time of mine. I shall never forget that and I will come and see you!" With that I leave.

John accompanies me home. We did not send a messenger for I want to surprise Uncle.